He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.