Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house