Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra