So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.