So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.