Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.