Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Month

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.

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  (410): I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money. http://tfl.nu/sp3n
  Replies (23) Good night (338) Bad night (1793)
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  (716): View more from New York

  YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!

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  (716): YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!! http://tfl.nu/4ih5
  Replies (8) Good night (356) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.

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  (801): Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment. http://tfl.nu/y6m4
  Replies (16) Good night (625) Bad night (1181) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.

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  (617): she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon. http://tfl.nu/r3ld
  Replies (12) Good night (176) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?

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  (304): I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed? http://tfl.nu/vp1b
  Replies (4) Good night (112) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
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  (442): View more from California

  Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.

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  (442): Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always. http://tfl.nu/0ay8
  Replies (5) Good night (353) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.

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  (574): I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever. http://tfl.nu/zs85
  Replies (7) Good night (149) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
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  (+45): View more from Denmark

  Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?

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  (+45): Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction? http://tfl.nu/7i71
  Replies (18) Good night (702) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill

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  (507): Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill http://tfl.nu/0ptc
  Replies (4) Good night (188) Bad night (916)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.

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  (+44): If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned. http://tfl.nu/qyit
  Replies (8) Good night (236) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now

  (561): View more from Florida

  I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.

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  (423): He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now (561): I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE. http://tfl.nu/f0wr
  Replies (5) Good night (262) Bad night (896)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.

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  (561): You know I love you. I just don't love your penis. http://tfl.nu/4w11
  Replies (6) Good night (209) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving

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  (951): Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving http://tfl.nu/6fed
  Replies (5) Good night (185) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.

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  (612): So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision. http://tfl.nu/oggj
  Replies (5) Good night (183) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..

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  (573): I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding.. http://tfl.nu/ukti
  Replies (5) Good night (285) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt