I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
..pick me up at 8.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways