Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.