The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dating After Heartbreak
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better