we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
..pick me up at 8.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question