Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (323)

Last Night in California (323)

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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.

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(323): In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink. http://tfl.nu/5x8b

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Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not

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Stop it right now

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This time face forward

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(323): Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not (818): Stop it right now (323): This time face forward http://tfl.nu/ev7s

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How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?

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(323): How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30? http://tfl.nu/e1i6

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I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?

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(323): I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there? http://tfl.nu/203x

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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again

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I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill

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(323): All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again (424): I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill http://tfl.nu/ys2w

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I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game

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(323): I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game http://tfl.nu/sbp7

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WTF DUDE?

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Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this

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(213): WTF DUDE? (323): Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this http://tfl.nu/ooar

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You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five

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(323): You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five http://tfl.nu/6fgb

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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.

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Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in

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(323): The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god. (323): Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in http://tfl.nu/1gsf

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Put some vodka in it

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Its 7am

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put some vodka in it

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(323): Put some vodka in it (424): Its 7am (323): put some vodka in it http://tfl.nu/mu2b

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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...

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(323): Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow... http://tfl.nu/iqf2

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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....

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(323): Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner.... http://tfl.nu/erk9

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Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.

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(323): Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud. http://tfl.nu/58eq

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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"

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(323): but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA" http://tfl.nu/kezs

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Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend

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(323): Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend http://tfl.nu/fcuo

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Last Night in California (323)

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