I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober