Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?