Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
I'm actually proud
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...