I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
I'm actually proud
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty