Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
I'm actually proud