Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow