Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger