Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dating After Heartbreak
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.