I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.