Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.