You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.