I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.