Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.