Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?