I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
we f'd six times
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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My life is pants optional.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.