He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.