I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad