I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.