well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit