I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.