He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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God, you're like boner-b-gone
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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