He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ