If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis