Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.