I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?