Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear