I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.