Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (718)

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  (718): View more from New York

  I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.

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  (718): I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed. http://tfl.nu/ihm6
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  we need to drink 2009 down the drain

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  (718): we need to drink 2009 down the drain http://tfl.nu/q0df
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  you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"

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  (718): you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass" http://tfl.nu/foy3
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  Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad

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  (718): Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad http://tfl.nu/ofwb
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  we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.

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  (718): we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love. http://tfl.nu/cgcu
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  (718): View more from New York

  walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)

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  (718): walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :) http://tfl.nu/3uv4
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  he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs

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  I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.

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  the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.

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  (718): he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs (1-718): I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious. (718): the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip. http://tfl.nu/dbxw
  Replies (29) Good night (334) Bad night (2970)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  WISH UPON A TAMPON

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  They constantly get farther than me.

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  tampons.

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  (917): WISH UPON A TAMPON (718): They constantly get farther than me. (718): tampons. http://tfl.nu/tcn2
  Replies (44) Good night (224) Bad night (2836)
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  Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.

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  (718): Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't. http://tfl.nu/3gl0
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  Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

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  (718): Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG! http://tfl.nu/4lok
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  I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?

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  (718): I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life? http://tfl.nu/2jrg
  Replies (26) Good night (377) Bad night (2639) Order T-Shirt
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  im getting my college education on yahoo answers.

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  (718): im getting my college education on yahoo answers. http://tfl.nu/sx90
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  If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?

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  (718): If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing? http://tfl.nu/2caf
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  You don't think I'm weird or immature right?

  (917): View more from New York City

  No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets

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  (718): You don't think I'm weird or immature right? (917): No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets http://tfl.nu/6cpc
  Replies (35) Good night (3463) Bad night (3083)
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  One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"

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  (718): One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk" http://tfl.nu/wyyx
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