Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay