Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alberta, CA (780)

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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING

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  (780): let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING http://tfl.nu/vf6d
  Replies (7) Good night (1565) Bad night (278)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.

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  (780): Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis. http://tfl.nu/lqrq
  Replies (8) Good night (1905) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day

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  (780): Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day http://tfl.nu/bjmm
  Replies (2) Good night (670) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?

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  (780): So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends? http://tfl.nu/kqn5
  Replies (4) Good night (2511) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace

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  (780): No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace http://tfl.nu/va4a
  Replies (8) Good night (1455) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?

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  (780): Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem? http://tfl.nu/k3dz
  Replies (4) Good night (2558) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".

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  (780): So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned". http://tfl.nu/rmju
  Replies (36) Good night (4327) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.

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  (780): I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past. http://tfl.nu/8nfc
  Replies (3) Good night (1151) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses

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  (780): Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses http://tfl.nu/pn1w
  Replies (24) Good night (1733) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.

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  (780): I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe. http://tfl.nu/j3zt
  Replies (13) Good night (627) Bad night (1881) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots

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  (780): One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots http://tfl.nu/onvu
  Replies (6) Good night (305) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?

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  (780): I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots? http://tfl.nu/1jdo
  Replies (8) Good night (1541) Bad night (970)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.

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  (780): I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it. http://tfl.nu/t2hy
  Replies (11) Good night (1524) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level

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  (780): they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level http://tfl.nu/15nb
  Replies (19) Good night (1286) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.

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  (780): Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something. http://tfl.nu/bxdz
  Replies (7) Good night (911) Bad night (577)