Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alberta, CA (780)

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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight

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  (780): My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight http://tfl.nu/tvtb
  Replies (2) Good night (271) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.

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  (780): I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face. http://tfl.nu/4tu2
  Replies (2) Good night (622) Bad night (193) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML

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  (780): If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML http://tfl.nu/m3i8
  Replies (8) Good night (1264) Bad night (235) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.

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  (780): So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks. http://tfl.nu/pwvq
  Replies (5) Good night (1375) Bad night (153) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.

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  (780): I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities. http://tfl.nu/3c8w
  Replies (2) Good night (235) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.

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  (780): Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house. http://tfl.nu/7s2y
  Replies (0) Good night (223) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.

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  (780): You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic. http://tfl.nu/85dj
  Replies (1) Good night (312) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!

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  (780): You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day! http://tfl.nu/bw0f
  Replies (5) Good night (217) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.

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  (780): Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies. http://tfl.nu/mgn4
  Replies (1) Good night (342) Bad night (673)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?

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  (780): Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel? http://tfl.nu/7lkz
  Replies (4) Good night (720) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes

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  (780): Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes http://tfl.nu/7wy7
  Replies (6) Good night (365) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.

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  (780): I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started. http://tfl.nu/6whx
  Replies (0) Good night (580) Bad night (160) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"

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  (780): I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future" http://tfl.nu/8p29
  Replies (7) Good night (844) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?

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  (780): In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared." (1-780): Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout? http://tfl.nu/ziqx
  Replies (2) Good night (697) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it

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  (780): Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it http://tfl.nu/2d0a
  Replies (1) Good night (720) Bad night (151) Order T-Shirt