I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.