A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.