We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.