was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people