Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I pour the whiskey from now on
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.