Texts From Last Night

Favorite
(626): View more from California

I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(626): I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going http://tfl.nu/kgzn

Replies (2) Good night (234) Bad night (73)
Favorite
(504): View more from Louisiana

No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(504): No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you http://tfl.nu/ma8s

Replies (2) Good night (126) Bad night (101)
Favorite
(714): View more from California

Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight. http://tfl.nu/ptsd

Replies (4) Good night (228) Bad night (98)
Favorite
(707): View more from California

I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(707): I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah." http://tfl.nu/2has

Replies (1) Good night (104) Bad night (198)
Favorite
(971): View more from Oregon

It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(971): It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food http://tfl.nu/42uv

Replies (1) Good night (136) Bad night (97)
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus. http://tfl.nu/v7g7

Replies (1) Good night (168) Bad night (68)
Favorite
(606): View more from Kentucky

You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(606): You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep. http://tfl.nu/jgge

Replies (1) Good night (84) Bad night (231)
Favorite
(605): View more from South Dakota

I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(605): I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help. http://tfl.nu/advt

Replies (0) Good night (119) Bad night (102)
Favorite
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(717): He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire. http://tfl.nu/b1n8

Replies (1) Good night (83) Bad night (182)
Favorite
(209): View more from California

I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(209): I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night. http://tfl.nu/48e5

Replies (0) Good night (85) Bad night (119)
Favorite
(515): View more from Iowa

Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(515): Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed http://tfl.nu/4vqk

Replies (1) Good night (77) Bad night (208)
Favorite
(616): View more from Michigan

Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(616): Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning. http://tfl.nu/kfpq

Replies (3) Good night (167) Bad night (103)
Favorite
(425): View more from Washington

The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(425): The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house. http://tfl.nu/wynr

Replies (2) Good night (180) Bad night (127)
Favorite
(773): View more from Illinois

You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(773): You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night. http://tfl.nu/vj63

Replies (0) Good night (92) Bad night (134)
Favorite
(561): View more from Florida

It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(561): It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him. http://tfl.nu/0htu

Replies (1) Good night (98) Bad night (208)

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Find Us On: