We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher