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    (703): View more from Virginia

    Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.

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    Replies (0) Good night (6) Bad night (13) Order T-Shirt
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    (681): View more from West Virginia

    I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion

    (743): View more from

    It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you

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    Replies (0) Good night (17) Bad night (5)
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    (315): View more from New York

    So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"

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    Replies (0) Good night (19) Bad night (12) Order T-Shirt
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    (931): View more from Tennessee

    I want to go out and have good clean fun.

    (931): View more from Tennessee

    Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.

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    Replies (0) Good night (19) Bad night (11)
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    (936): View more from Texas

    We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.

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    Replies (0) Good night (33) Bad night (12)
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    (646): View more from New York

    We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.

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    Replies (2) Good night (43) Bad night (21) Order T-Shirt
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    (+92): View more from

    Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?

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    Replies (1) Good night (32) Bad night (21) Order T-Shirt
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    (702): View more from Nevada

    We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.

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    Replies (0) Good night (44) Bad night (16) Order T-Shirt
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    (515): View more from Iowa

    I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"

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    Replies (2) Good night (84) Bad night (32)
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    (808): View more from Hawaii

    there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women

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    Replies (1) Good night (64) Bad night (19) Order T-Shirt
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    (817): View more from Texas

    Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?

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    Replies (1) Good night (59) Bad night (29) Order T-Shirt
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    (562): View more from California

    I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!

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    Replies (3) Good night (79) Bad night (38) Order T-Shirt
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    (602): View more from Arizona

    I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth

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    Replies (2) Good night (15) Bad night (57) Order T-Shirt
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    (619): View more from California

    She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.

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    Replies (0) Good night (109) Bad night (26) Order T-Shirt
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    (330): View more from Ohio

    Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.

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    Replies (0) Good night (74) Bad night (29) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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