Texts From Last Night

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(214): View more from Texas

I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it

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(214): I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it http://tfl.nu/key8

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(928): View more from Arizona

You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.

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(928): You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today. http://tfl.nu/ne6p

Replies (2) Good night (290) Bad night (91) Order T-Shirt
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(301): View more from Maryland

FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.

(727): View more from Florida

MAS TEQUILA.

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(301): FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE. (727): MAS TEQUILA. http://tfl.nu/9ggd

Replies (2) Good night (387) Bad night (69)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself

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(773): Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself http://tfl.nu/pyfv

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(971): View more from Oregon

Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?

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(971): Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics? http://tfl.nu/fki4

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?

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(910): Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares? http://tfl.nu/w5f4

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(563): View more from Iowa

This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA

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(563): This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA http://tfl.nu/rbpe

Replies (2) Good night (409) Bad night (95) Order T-Shirt
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(407): View more from Florida

I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"

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(407): I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry" http://tfl.nu/fy98

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(852): View more from

I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..

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(852): I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again.. http://tfl.nu/4a3e

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(775): View more from Nevada

Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.

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(775): Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think. http://tfl.nu/vd5v

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(773): View more from Illinois

You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.

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(773): You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud. http://tfl.nu/imj6

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(408): View more from California

Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.

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(408): Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked. http://tfl.nu/qje8

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(812): View more from Indiana

You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.

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(812): You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard. http://tfl.nu/0j3h

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(609): View more from New Jersey

The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes

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(609): The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes http://tfl.nu/oauk

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.

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(215): Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video. http://tfl.nu/ct0i

Replies (3) Good night (845) Bad night (193) Order T-Shirt

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