Texts From Last Night

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there

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(732): i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there http://tfl.nu/93w1

Replies (1) Good night (135) Bad night (30)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.

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(203): At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list. http://tfl.nu/p5h5

Replies (1) Good night (175) Bad night (21)
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(847): View more from Illinois

BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?

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(847): BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available? http://tfl.nu/hl8k

Replies (0) Good night (157) Bad night (26)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break

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(610): Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break http://tfl.nu/ukrr

Replies (2) Good night (124) Bad night (82)
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(305): View more from Florida

I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.

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(305): I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding. http://tfl.nu/iw0s

Replies (1) Good night (124) Bad night (57)
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(434): View more from Virginia

After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.

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(434): After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused. http://tfl.nu/s2gl

Replies (6) Good night (87) Bad night (294)
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(509): View more from Washington

Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...

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(509): Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water... http://tfl.nu/zc6b

Replies (0) Good night (152) Bad night (28)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.

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(910): Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex. http://tfl.nu/dz9o

Replies (0) Good night (141) Bad night (28)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.

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(617): Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him. http://tfl.nu/f96j

Replies (2) Good night (172) Bad night (36)
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(585): View more from New York

She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months

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(585): She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months http://tfl.nu/5xh7

Replies (1) Good night (98) Bad night (33)
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(630): View more from Illinois

So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.

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(630): So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment. http://tfl.nu/55rw

Replies (0) Good night (51) Bad night (123)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???

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(937): Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night??? http://tfl.nu/rsju

Replies (0) Good night (137) Bad night (44)
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(702): View more from Nevada

bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face

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(702): bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face http://tfl.nu/efba

Replies (0) Good night (49) Bad night (98)
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(719): View more from Colorado

We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.

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(719): We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities. http://tfl.nu/0mjf

Replies (0) Good night (150) Bad night (29)
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(912): View more from Georgia

I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.

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(912): I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single. http://tfl.nu/n6zn

Replies (0) Good night (61) Bad night (103)

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