Texts From Last Night

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(330): View more from Ohio

This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.

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(330): This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus. http://tfl.nu/v7g7

Replies (0) Good night (15) Bad night (11)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.

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(606): You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep. http://tfl.nu/jgge

Replies (0) Good night (32) Bad night (32)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.

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(605): I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help. http://tfl.nu/advt

Replies (0) Good night (32) Bad night (36)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.

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(717): He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire. http://tfl.nu/b1n8

Replies (0) Good night (33) Bad night (34)
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(209): View more from California

I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.

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(209): I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night. http://tfl.nu/48e5

Replies (0) Good night (38) Bad night (35)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed

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(515): Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed http://tfl.nu/4vqk

Replies (0) Good night (42) Bad night (41)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.

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(616): Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning. http://tfl.nu/kfpq

Replies (1) Good night (41) Bad night (44)
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(425): View more from Washington

The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.

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(425): The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house. http://tfl.nu/wynr

Replies (0) Good night (48) Bad night (38)
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(773): View more from Illinois

You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.

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(773): You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night. http://tfl.nu/vj63

Replies (0) Good night (50) Bad night (45)
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(561): View more from Florida

It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.

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(561): It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him. http://tfl.nu/0htu

Replies (0) Good night (48) Bad night (41)
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(909): View more from California

I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.

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(909): I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day. http://tfl.nu/6mst

Replies (1) Good night (197) Bad night (75)
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(660): View more from Missouri

He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.

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(660): He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/eb59

Replies (5) Good night (272) Bad night (131)
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(438): View more from Quebec

the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love

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(438): the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love http://tfl.nu/1vr2

Replies (0) Good night (312) Bad night (78)
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(305): View more from Florida

Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.

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(305): Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem. http://tfl.nu/qcsf

Replies (5) Good night (123) Bad night (309)
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(810): View more from Michigan

Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.

(931): View more from Tennessee

You have the best birthdays

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(810): Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo. (931): You have the best birthdays http://tfl.nu/wu72

Replies (0) Good night (303) Bad night (79)

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