I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm too high and old for this...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one