Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.