Texts From Last Night

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE

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(732): Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE http://tfl.nu/w2ud

Replies (1) Good night (81) Bad night (26)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.

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(320): I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/j9yg

Replies (1) Good night (44) Bad night (166)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?

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(860): Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica? http://tfl.nu/tmtt

Replies (2) Good night (101) Bad night (32)
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(818): View more from California

Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..

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(818): Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type.. http://tfl.nu/mqyy

Replies (1) Good night (48) Bad night (78)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough

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(717): So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough http://tfl.nu/a02j

Replies (1) Good night (19) Bad night (154)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway

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(248): I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway http://tfl.nu/pu3c

Replies (0) Good night (80) Bad night (27)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.

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(215): i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry. http://tfl.nu/3lca

Replies (1) Good night (99) Bad night (29)
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(705): View more from Ontario

Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life

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(705): Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life http://tfl.nu/jm2i

Replies (0) Good night (69) Bad night (57)
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(630): View more from Illinois

What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.

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(630): What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research. http://tfl.nu/y3b0

Replies (2) Good night (88) Bad night (25)
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(516): View more from New York

As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.

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(516): As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter. http://tfl.nu/etip

Replies (1) Good night (36) Bad night (63)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"

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(856): You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off" http://tfl.nu/cdng

Replies (1) Good night (45) Bad night (128)
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(812): View more from Indiana

I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.

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(812): I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out. http://tfl.nu/vfrv

Replies (1) Good night (68) Bad night (55)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Jk probs not coming. Tequila

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(410): Jk probs not coming. Tequila http://tfl.nu/0jgj

Replies (0) Good night (92) Bad night (22)
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(330): View more from Ohio

You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.

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(330): You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am. http://tfl.nu/5xv0

Replies (2) Good night (38) Bad night (86)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children

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(+44): You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children http://tfl.nu/jvkg

Replies (1) Good night (33) Bad night (127)

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