THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney