I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.