Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
