I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I licked your asshole in confidence.