Texts From Last Night

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset

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(262): Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset http://tfl.nu/8p8i

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(773): View more from Illinois

Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?

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(773): Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT? http://tfl.nu/k7sq

Replies (7) Good night (173) Bad night (62) Order T-Shirt
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.

(1-843): View more from South Carolina

My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?

(843): View more from South Carolina

Maybe

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(843): Bring a bathing suit and your good liver. (1-843): My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice? (843): Maybe http://tfl.nu/53dg

Replies (3) Good night (257) Bad night (34)
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(641): View more from Iowa

He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?

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(641): He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy? http://tfl.nu/tf1s

Replies (2) Good night (144) Bad night (153) Order T-Shirt
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(925): View more from California

i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.

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(925): i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking. http://tfl.nu/rb0f

Replies (4) Good night (306) Bad night (79) Order T-Shirt
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(516): View more from New York

Come through the front door when you get here.

(1-516): View more from New York

Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.

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(516): Come through the front door when you get here. (1-516): Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window. http://tfl.nu/uers

Replies (4) Good night (236) Bad night (36) Order T-Shirt
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?

(1+44): View more from

Which pub are you in?

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(+44): Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon? (1+44): Which pub are you in? http://tfl.nu/p4a0

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"

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(306): dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high" http://tfl.nu/ssrm

Replies (3) Good night (313) Bad night (44) Order T-Shirt
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(256): View more from Alabama

Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.

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(256): Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention. http://tfl.nu/44p2

Replies (3) Good night (386) Bad night (42) Order T-Shirt
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(818): View more from California

Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.

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(818): Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great. http://tfl.nu/bj70

Replies (1) Good night (215) Bad night (40) Order T-Shirt
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(705): View more from Ontario

We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass

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(705): We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass http://tfl.nu/z449

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke

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(484): There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke http://tfl.nu/bkfk

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(647): View more from Ontario

Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm

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(647): Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm http://tfl.nu/f115

Replies (5) Good night (139) Bad night (49) Order T-Shirt
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(434): View more from Virginia

Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night

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(434): Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night http://tfl.nu/pi3r

Replies (1) Good night (142) Bad night (43) Order T-Shirt
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(434): View more from Virginia

I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time

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(434): I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time http://tfl.nu/ligv

Replies (7) Good night (80) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt

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