Texts From Last Night

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(434): View more from Virginia

I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night

(434): View more from Virginia

then apparently I went "not bad" and continued

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(434): I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night (434): then apparently I went "not bad" and continued http://tfl.nu/4s21

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!

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(+44): We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA! http://tfl.nu/862o

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(619): View more from California

Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.

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(619): Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket. http://tfl.nu/fgzh

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(313): View more from Michigan

We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to

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(313): We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to http://tfl.nu/22xn

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(425): View more from Washington

You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.

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(425): You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you. http://tfl.nu/vxkn

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(614): View more from Ohio

So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?

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(614): So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes? http://tfl.nu/y2f0

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand

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(832): I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand http://tfl.nu/owk1

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.

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(856): Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina. http://tfl.nu/1cex

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party

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(902): Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party http://tfl.nu/fwjk

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(630): View more from Illinois

like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.

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(630): like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant. http://tfl.nu/ihww

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(785): View more from Kansas

There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.

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(785): There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha. http://tfl.nu/kiqc

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(207): View more from Maine

But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!

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(207): But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on! http://tfl.nu/iftt

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(530): View more from California

im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.

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(530): im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either. http://tfl.nu/lxlu

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(971): View more from Oregon

I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.

(509): View more from Washington

you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left

(971): View more from Oregon

goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan

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(971): I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH. (509): you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left (971): goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan http://tfl.nu/bxrp

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.

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(412): I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help. http://tfl.nu/c3ar

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