All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.