just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow