Texts From Last Night

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(516): View more from New York

As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.

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(516): As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter. http://tfl.nu/etip

Replies (0) Good night (0) Bad night (0)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"

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(856): You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off" http://tfl.nu/cdng

Replies (0) Good night (1) Bad night (0)
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(812): View more from Indiana

I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.

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(812): I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out. http://tfl.nu/vfrv

Replies (0) Good night (3) Bad night (4)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Jk probs not coming. Tequila

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(410): Jk probs not coming. Tequila http://tfl.nu/0jgj

Replies (0) Good night (4) Bad night (2)
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(330): View more from Ohio

You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.

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(330): You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am. http://tfl.nu/5xv0

Replies (0) Good night (3) Bad night (9)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children

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(+44): You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children http://tfl.nu/jvkg

Replies (0) Good night (7) Bad night (9)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.

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(704): Our nipples touched last night. It was tender. http://tfl.nu/lb9p

Replies (1) Good night (130) Bad night (37)
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(602): View more from Arizona

How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?

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(602): How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis? http://tfl.nu/64di

Replies (3) Good night (149) Bad night (41)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch

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(201): The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch http://tfl.nu/v8nb

Replies (4) Good night (249) Bad night (45)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor

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(613): Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor http://tfl.nu/mn1u

Replies (2) Good night (187) Bad night (26)
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(530): View more from California

Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me

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(530): Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me http://tfl.nu/i3cm

Replies (3) Good night (132) Bad night (38)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?

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(217): Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient? http://tfl.nu/tlkh

Replies (0) Good night (50) Bad night (69)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"

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(306): I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?" http://tfl.nu/60qj

Replies (1) Good night (108) Bad night (46)
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(404): View more from Georgia

He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho

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(404): He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho http://tfl.nu/2j15

Replies (1) Good night (111) Bad night (46)
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(410): View more from Maryland

He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.

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(410): He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome. http://tfl.nu/ga5n

Replies (2) Good night (49) Bad night (105)

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