Texts From Last Night

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(516): View more from New York

I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.

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(516): I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this. http://tfl.nu/0s3c

Replies (0) Good night (0) Bad night (0)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.

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(615): my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything. http://tfl.nu/13l7

Replies (0) Good night (9) Bad night (7)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.

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(864): Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation. http://tfl.nu/p5up

Replies (0) Good night (16) Bad night (20)
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(727): View more from Florida

Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins

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(727): Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins http://tfl.nu/qgcg

Replies (0) Good night (21) Bad night (17)
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(775): View more from Nevada

He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.

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(775): He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it. http://tfl.nu/09j3

Replies (1) Good night (30) Bad night (28)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.

(706): View more from Georgia

So you're drunk waiting for the bus.

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(770): Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life. (706): So you're drunk waiting for the bus. http://tfl.nu/6hov

Replies (0) Good night (34) Bad night (24)
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(810): View more from Michigan

I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.

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(810): I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me. (1-810): All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one. http://tfl.nu/rkvc

Replies (0) Good night (40) Bad night (31)
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(323): View more from California

My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.

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(323): My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job. http://tfl.nu/hsg6

Replies (0) Good night (48) Bad night (27)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection

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(573): Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection http://tfl.nu/kohz

Replies (2) Good night (42) Bad night (43)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex

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(410): I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex http://tfl.nu/t4yi

Replies (0) Good night (55) Bad night (34)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?

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(601): When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema? http://tfl.nu/3tz6

Replies (0) Good night (51) Bad night (43)
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(727): View more from Florida

I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.

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(727): I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now. http://tfl.nu/q4wq

Replies (0) Good night (61) Bad night (41)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again

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(252): Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again http://tfl.nu/a8pw

Replies (1) Good night (50) Bad night (55)
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(310): View more from California

Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.

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(310): Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand. http://tfl.nu/cp6v

Replies (2) Good night (202) Bad night (114)
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(678): View more from Georgia

He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.

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(678): He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober. http://tfl.nu/jf9n

Replies (0) Good night (274) Bad night (89)

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