She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I forget how to act sober
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!