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    (309): View more from Illinois

    Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures

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    Replies (8) Good night (272) Bad night (64) Order T-Shirt
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    (208): View more from Idaho

    dont eat that thats our sex nutella.

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    Replies (6) Good night (334) Bad night (106) Order T-Shirt
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    (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

    I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.

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    Replies (0) Good night (190) Bad night (77) Order T-Shirt
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    (770): View more from Georgia

    You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.

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    Replies (2) Good night (167) Bad night (61) Order T-Shirt
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    (910): View more from North Carolina

    I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"

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    Replies (2) Good night (322) Bad night (53) Order T-Shirt
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    (301): View more from Maryland

    A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.

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    Replies (1) Good night (242) Bad night (52)
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    (860): View more from Connecticut

    Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.

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    Replies (4) Good night (324) Bad night (65) Order T-Shirt
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    (860): View more from Connecticut

    The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.

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    Replies (6) Good night (173) Bad night (72) Order T-Shirt
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    (813): View more from Florida

    Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.

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    Replies (1) Good night (274) Bad night (57) Order T-Shirt
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    (215): View more from Pennsylvania

    Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now

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    Replies (3) Good night (87) Bad night (151) Order T-Shirt
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    (941): View more from Florida

    When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.

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    Replies (3) Good night (184) Bad night (93) Order T-Shirt
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    (919): View more from North Carolina

    what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?

    (1-919): View more from North Carolina

    An artistic expression of her stupidity.

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    Replies (1) Good night (264) Bad night (54) Order T-Shirt
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    (775): View more from Nevada

    When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home

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    Replies (4) Good night (237) Bad night (144) Order T-Shirt
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    (425): View more from Washington

    Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero

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    Replies (3) Good night (320) Bad night (54) Order T-Shirt
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    (310): View more from California

    Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.

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    Replies (7) Good night (893) Bad night (184) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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