Texts From Last Night

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(314): View more from Missouri

Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.

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(314): Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button. http://tfl.nu/65xi

Replies (3) Good night (86) Bad night (170)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.

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(313): Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud. http://tfl.nu/p5tt

Replies (1) Good night (78) Bad night (164)
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(801): View more from Utah

My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.

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(801): My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it. http://tfl.nu/gvpa

Replies (5) Good night (383) Bad night (57)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them

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(414): I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them http://tfl.nu/rxba

Replies (1) Good night (106) Bad night (48)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.

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(+44): I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid. http://tfl.nu/dvml

Replies (2) Good night (211) Bad night (47)
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(216): View more from Ohio

it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.

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(216): it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes. http://tfl.nu/hh6x

Replies (0) Good night (93) Bad night (57)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.

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(314): I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become. http://tfl.nu/j66t

Replies (2) Good night (75) Bad night (109)
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(631): View more from New York

You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.

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(631): You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me. http://tfl.nu/p2gh

Replies (1) Good night (107) Bad night (69)
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(847): View more from Illinois

sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?

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(847): sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you? http://tfl.nu/2uuz

Replies (0) Good night (102) Bad night (78)
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(434): View more from Virginia

I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.

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(434): I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane. http://tfl.nu/d551

Replies (0) Good night (110) Bad night (65)
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(972): View more from Texas

I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.

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(972): I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs. http://tfl.nu/tu0n

Replies (1) Good night (330) Bad night (51)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy

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(613): I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy http://tfl.nu/09ti

Replies (0) Good night (180) Bad night (55)
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(256): View more from Alabama

If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends

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(256): If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends http://tfl.nu/kp0i

Replies (0) Good night (131) Bad night (53)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.

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(519): Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy. http://tfl.nu/3ipa

Replies (0) Good night (181) Bad night (49)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive

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(804): Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive http://tfl.nu/cxfz

Replies (0) Good night (139) Bad night (65)

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