Texts From Last Night

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(203): View more from Connecticut

the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.

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(203): the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law. http://tfl.nu/eqhh

Replies (1) Good night (165) Bad night (37)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.

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(519): Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/nhsm

Replies (3) Good night (145) Bad night (47)
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(727): View more from Florida

I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.

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(727): I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER. http://tfl.nu/hytb

Replies (0) Good night (113) Bad night (88)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.

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(606): Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location. http://tfl.nu/qwv8

Replies (2) Good night (182) Bad night (56)
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(872): View more from Illinois

i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.

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(872): i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going. http://tfl.nu/c51c

Replies (3) Good night (198) Bad night (52)
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(572): View more from

party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time

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(572): party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time http://tfl.nu/rnou

Replies (0) Good night (141) Bad night (41)
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(801): View more from Utah

My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"

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(801): My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts" http://tfl.nu/ald0

Replies (0) Good night (140) Bad night (84)
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(408): View more from California

I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.

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(408): I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories. http://tfl.nu/8r9f

Replies (0) Good night (129) Bad night (46)
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(217): View more from Illinois

I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?

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(217): I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been? http://tfl.nu/gh9w

Replies (1) Good night (147) Bad night (63)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.

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(586): Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind. http://tfl.nu/wymh

Replies (3) Good night (125) Bad night (38)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I'm getting married

(910): View more from North Carolina

To pizza

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(910): I'm getting married (910): To pizza http://tfl.nu/qtma

Replies (0) Good night (156) Bad night (46)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.

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(732): I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself. http://tfl.nu/uoqa

Replies (2) Good night (66) Bad night (106)
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(707): View more from California

Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?

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(707): Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain? http://tfl.nu/008f

Replies (0) Good night (128) Bad night (40)
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(817): View more from Texas

We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.

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(817): We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible. http://tfl.nu/3c0a

Replies (0) Good night (112) Bad night (48)
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(540): View more from Virginia

LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.

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(540): LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA. http://tfl.nu/huba

Replies (1) Good night (195) Bad night (76)

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