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My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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