Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?