This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades