Texts From Last Night

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(817): View more from Texas

So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?

(806): View more from Texas

Yes.

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(817): So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits? (806): Yes. http://tfl.nu/kxzx

Replies (1) Good night (119) Bad night (103)
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(310): View more from California

The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.

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(310): The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place. http://tfl.nu/tgy0

Replies (1) Good night (150) Bad night (58)
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(904): View more from Florida

My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.

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(904): My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through. http://tfl.nu/7flj

Replies (2) Good night (127) Bad night (72)
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(949): View more from California

You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.

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(949): You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget. http://tfl.nu/i79w

Replies (0) Good night (64) Bad night (110)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!

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(+44): When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!! http://tfl.nu/wuxe

Replies (3) Good night (169) Bad night (86)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.

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(402): You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills. http://tfl.nu/g7ig

Replies (3) Good night (192) Bad night (52)
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(708): View more from Illinois

Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life

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(708): Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life http://tfl.nu/103q

Replies (0) Good night (134) Bad night (69)
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(519): View more from Ontario

He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.

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(519): He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever. http://tfl.nu/34jp

Replies (2) Good night (67) Bad night (227)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.

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(908): He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania. http://tfl.nu/rn92

Replies (1) Good night (138) Bad night (63)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.

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(608): You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year. http://tfl.nu/ch42

Replies (1) Good night (167) Bad night (56)
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(206): View more from Washington

Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.

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(206): Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault. http://tfl.nu/cmwc

Replies (4) Good night (97) Bad night (188)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.

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(715): Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands. http://tfl.nu/vpbs

Replies (1) Good night (138) Bad night (80)
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(361): View more from Texas

Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass

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(361): Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass http://tfl.nu/9x8z

Replies (1) Good night (138) Bad night (58)
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(231): View more from Michigan

it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...

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(231): it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month... http://tfl.nu/7y04

Replies (0) Good night (72) Bad night (140)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.

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(617): Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear. http://tfl.nu/f6ht

Replies (0) Good night (109) Bad night (176)

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