He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Lo siento on account of my penis...