Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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I cannot belive our party caught on fire
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful