Texts From Last Night

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(602): View more from Arizona

His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.

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(602): His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers. http://tfl.nu/dqr9

Replies (3) Good night (201) Bad night (114)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date

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(704): We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date http://tfl.nu/7for

Replies (1) Good night (341) Bad night (98)
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(530): View more from California

Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.

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(530): Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber. http://tfl.nu/lvwx

Replies (3) Good night (125) Bad night (216)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?

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(613): Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch? http://tfl.nu/k968

Replies (0) Good night (212) Bad night (70)
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(281): View more from Texas

This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.

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(281): This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse. http://tfl.nu/ekrm

Replies (6) Good night (107) Bad night (272)
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(513): View more from Ohio

He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.

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(513): He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog. http://tfl.nu/uit4

Replies (4) Good night (82) Bad night (243)
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(214): View more from Texas

Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.

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(214): Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too. http://tfl.nu/2rql

Replies (1) Good night (252) Bad night (76)
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(416): View more from Toronto

He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.

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(416): He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came. http://tfl.nu/cj68

Replies (0) Good night (109) Bad night (236)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos

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(720): I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos http://tfl.nu/w3a2

Replies (0) Good night (95) Bad night (224)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?

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(248): Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents? http://tfl.nu/sosc

Replies (0) Good night (183) Bad night (87)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices

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(505): I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices http://tfl.nu/5rdl

Replies (1) Good night (164) Bad night (128)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.

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(202): It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE. http://tfl.nu/cbed

Replies (6) Good night (94) Bad night (394)
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(404): View more from Georgia

So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow

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(404): So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow http://tfl.nu/zlpp

Replies (2) Good night (255) Bad night (95)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie

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(308): got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie http://tfl.nu/pesa

Replies (1) Good night (480) Bad night (77)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole

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(913): Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole http://tfl.nu/jf5e

Replies (2) Good night (139) Bad night (220)

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