What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
