Texts From Last Night

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(008): View more from

I think your husband is breaking up with me...

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(008): I think your husband is breaking up with me... http://tfl.nu/csj6

Replies (1) Good night (71) Bad night (124)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.

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(205): Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax. http://tfl.nu/u4t8

Replies (1) Good night (79) Bad night (67)
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(989): View more from Michigan

dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw

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(989): dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw http://tfl.nu/cvdu

Replies (1) Good night (95) Bad night (70)
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(716): View more from New York

You're about wine.

(585): View more from New York

Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment

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(716): You're about wine. (585): Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment http://tfl.nu/179v

Replies (0) Good night (103) Bad night (47)
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(361): View more from Texas

My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.

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(361): My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life. http://tfl.nu/e22l

Replies (7) Good night (52) Bad night (200)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.

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(870): You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it. http://tfl.nu/7wns

Replies (3) Good night (127) Bad night (62)
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(917): View more from New York City

You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.

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(917): You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude. http://tfl.nu/0uba

Replies (0) Good night (101) Bad night (76)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm

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(702): I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm http://tfl.nu/49j9

Replies (0) Good night (50) Bad night (151)
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(718): View more from New York

I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!

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(718): I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO! http://tfl.nu/huwu

Replies (1) Good night (92) Bad night (75)
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(775): View more from Nevada

He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!

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(775): He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/5zy7

Replies (0) Good night (160) Bad night (51)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities

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(519): I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities http://tfl.nu/fsvr

Replies (0) Good night (96) Bad night (56)
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(265): View more from

I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.

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(265): I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit. http://tfl.nu/kzhy

Replies (0) Good night (98) Bad night (64)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.

(512): View more from Texas

And loving it.

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(504): I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week. (512): And loving it. http://tfl.nu/c8g6

Replies (0) Good night (125) Bad night (51)
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(408): View more from California

I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.

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(408): I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes. http://tfl.nu/ob7s

Replies (3) Good night (132) Bad night (67)
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(240): View more from Maryland

He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.

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(240): He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos. http://tfl.nu/i6so

Replies (1) Good night (140) Bad night (102)

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