It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.