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Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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