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    (815): View more from Illinois

    i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.

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    Replies (4) Good night (107) Bad night (38) Order T-Shirt
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    (619): View more from California

    I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.

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    Replies (2) Good night (166) Bad night (54) Order T-Shirt
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    (618): View more from Illinois

    She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....

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    Replies (3) Good night (73) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
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    (954): View more from Florida

    Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.

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    Replies (6) Good night (78) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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    (267): View more from Pennsylvania

    I have tan lines from my nipple rings.

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    Replies (3) Good night (264) Bad night (64) Order T-Shirt
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    (415): View more from California

    LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.

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    Replies (8) Good night (68) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
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    (615): View more from Tennessee

    Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing

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    Replies (3) Good night (281) Bad night (74) Order T-Shirt
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    (512): View more from Texas

    For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.

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    Replies (4) Good night (307) Bad night (36) Order T-Shirt
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    (505): View more from New Mexico

    He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.

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    Replies (4) Good night (65) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt
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    (972): View more from Texas

    Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.

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    Replies (1) Good night (138) Bad night (45) Order T-Shirt
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    (904): View more from Florida

    And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...

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    Replies (2) Good night (141) Bad night (34) Order T-Shirt
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    (715): View more from Wisconsin

    Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM

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    Replies (2) Good night (237) Bad night (71)
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    (315): View more from New York

    You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times

    (1-315): View more from New York

    NAh son

    (1-315): View more from New York

    Just general bites

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    Replies (2) Good night (119) Bad night (62) Order T-Shirt
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    (425): View more from Washington

    It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"

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    Replies (2) Good night (134) Bad night (73)
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    (423): View more from Tennessee

    I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.

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    Replies (8) Good night (222) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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