Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.