Texts From Last Night

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?

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(304): Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina? http://tfl.nu/ly25

Replies (3) Good night (23) Bad night (40)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.

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(410): I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket. http://tfl.nu/j5lv

Replies (1) Good night (44) Bad night (14)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away

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(617): We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away http://tfl.nu/reog

Replies (0) Good night (43) Bad night (9)
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(240): View more from Maryland

Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.

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(240): Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others. http://tfl.nu/v5nx

Replies (0) Good night (40) Bad night (7)
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(407): View more from Florida

We can't do acid Disneyworld.

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(407): We can't do acid Disneyworld. http://tfl.nu/egf7

Replies (0) Good night (33) Bad night (10)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.

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(860): I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person. http://tfl.nu/cae7

Replies (0) Good night (20) Bad night (25)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.

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(314): I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either. http://tfl.nu/ocw7

Replies (0) Good night (50) Bad night (12)
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(347): View more from New York

You blew him?!?!

(201): View more from New Jersey

*Am blowing

(201): View more from New Jersey

And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.

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(347): You blew him?!?! (201): *Am blowing (201): And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying. http://tfl.nu/5nfh

Replies (2) Good night (78) Bad night (27)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday

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(617): I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday http://tfl.nu/dcbo

Replies (0) Good night (43) Bad night (7)
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(518): View more from New York

He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.

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(518): He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band. http://tfl.nu/loy3

Replies (0) Good night (50) Bad night (8)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.

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(989): I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover. http://tfl.nu/w31a

Replies (0) Good night (62) Bad night (11)
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(713): View more from Texas

She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.

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(713): She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone. http://tfl.nu/3fa4

Replies (0) Good night (17) Bad night (33)
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(416): View more from Toronto

earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings

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(416): earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings http://tfl.nu/vy6b

Replies (0) Good night (39) Bad night (14)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides

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(303): I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides http://tfl.nu/l3y7

Replies (3) Good night (218) Bad night (37)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.

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(580): Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later. http://tfl.nu/xaud

Replies (3) Good night (225) Bad night (52)

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