Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.