Texts From Last Night

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(765): View more from Indiana

We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships

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(765): We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships http://tfl.nu/ywdr

Replies (0) Good night (78) Bad night (30)
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(847): View more from Illinois

There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome

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(847): There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome http://tfl.nu/9ysw

Replies (1) Good night (96) Bad night (34)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."

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(907): I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award." http://tfl.nu/96ui

Replies (2) Good night (113) Bad night (34)
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(574): View more from Indiana

I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.

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(574): I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me. http://tfl.nu/0sn3

Replies (0) Good night (39) Bad night (50)
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(716): View more from New York

I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"

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(716): I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?" http://tfl.nu/zqsu

Replies (2) Good night (43) Bad night (110)
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(315): View more from New York

He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary

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(315): He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary http://tfl.nu/sjvn

Replies (0) Good night (79) Bad night (39)
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(240): View more from Maryland

I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job

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(240): I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job http://tfl.nu/fm2s

Replies (2) Good night (61) Bad night (49)
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(386): View more from Florida

Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.

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(386): Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican. http://tfl.nu/86lr

Replies (2) Good night (102) Bad night (67)
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(845): View more from New York

Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..

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(845): Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once.. http://tfl.nu/qopu

Replies (0) Good night (88) Bad night (34)
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(770): View more from Georgia

i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?

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(770): i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today? http://tfl.nu/3ln3

Replies (1) Good night (61) Bad night (53)
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(714): View more from California

I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.

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(714): I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD. http://tfl.nu/naxc

Replies (2) Good night (45) Bad night (101)
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(585): View more from New York

He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.

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(585): He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down. http://tfl.nu/e3ty

Replies (1) Good night (41) Bad night (132)
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(806): View more from Texas

Why can't burritos get me drunk

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(806): Why can't burritos get me drunk http://tfl.nu/wd3d

Replies (0) Good night (76) Bad night (38)
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(817): View more from Texas

Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.

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(817): Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner. http://tfl.nu/2b8m

Replies (1) Good night (69) Bad night (47)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity

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(203): Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity http://tfl.nu/hqbb

Replies (0) Good night (45) Bad night (80)

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