Texts From Last Night

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(909): View more from California

I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.

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(909): I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day. http://tfl.nu/6mst

Replies (1) Good night (176) Bad night (64)
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(660): View more from Missouri

He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.

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(660): He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/eb59

Replies (5) Good night (235) Bad night (117)
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(438): View more from Quebec

the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love

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(438): the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love http://tfl.nu/1vr2

Replies (0) Good night (265) Bad night (71)
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(305): View more from Florida

Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.

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(305): Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem. http://tfl.nu/qcsf

Replies (4) Good night (113) Bad night (262)
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(810): View more from Michigan

Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.

(931): View more from Tennessee

You have the best birthdays

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(810): Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo. (931): You have the best birthdays http://tfl.nu/wu72

Replies (0) Good night (259) Bad night (72)
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(216): View more from Ohio

Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.

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(216): Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious. http://tfl.nu/m0rv

Replies (0) Good night (173) Bad night (75)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox

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(781): You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox http://tfl.nu/8bo8

Replies (1) Good night (208) Bad night (79)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle

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(405): he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle http://tfl.nu/f8qt

Replies (4) Good night (101) Bad night (312)
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(714): View more from California

Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?

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(714): Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself? http://tfl.nu/qmio

Replies (0) Good night (143) Bad night (84)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.

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(732): Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world. http://tfl.nu/39cd

Replies (3) Good night (157) Bad night (74)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning

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(484): He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning http://tfl.nu/2xih

Replies (1) Good night (227) Bad night (72)
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(760): View more from California

dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself

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(760): dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself http://tfl.nu/8oqh

Replies (1) Good night (103) Bad night (242)
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(445): View more from Pennsylvania

she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"

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(445): she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too" http://tfl.nu/r5oy

Replies (2) Good night (113) Bad night (228)
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(980): View more from North Carolina

But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger

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(980): But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger http://tfl.nu/iewj

Replies (0) Good night (201) Bad night (97)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.

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(320): If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot. http://tfl.nu/mrn3

Replies (1) Good night (267) Bad night (163)

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