Texts From Last Night

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(647): View more from Ontario

Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.

(416): View more from Toronto

I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.

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(647): Think I pulled my pelvic muscle. (416): I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle. http://tfl.nu/mzl9

Replies (0) Good night (0) Bad night (1)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you

(571): View more from Virginia

Bonus points are bonus points regardless

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(973): Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you (571): Bonus points are bonus points regardless http://tfl.nu/vyof

Replies (2) Good night (20) Bad night (27)
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(707): View more from California

It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.

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(707): It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know. http://tfl.nu/9rsw

Replies (3) Good night (68) Bad night (23)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.

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(973): I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/8wfu

Replies (1) Good night (93) Bad night (9) Order T-Shirt
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(416): View more from Toronto

We were fucking at break-dick speeds.

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(416): We were fucking at break-dick speeds. http://tfl.nu/i1r9

Replies (1) Good night (105) Bad night (28) Order T-Shirt
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(587): View more from Alberta

You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.

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(587): You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month. http://tfl.nu/i8z5

Replies (3) Good night (127) Bad night (20)
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(906): View more from Michigan

It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.

(1-906): View more from Michigan

Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.

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(906): It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar. (1-906): Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill. http://tfl.nu/e2gb

Replies (2) Good night (92) Bad night (24)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.

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(403): Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit. http://tfl.nu/379t

Replies (2) Good night (207) Bad night (22) Order T-Shirt
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(703): View more from Virginia

Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...

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(703): Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down... http://tfl.nu/5zyg

Replies (3) Good night (198) Bad night (31)
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(469): View more from Texas

Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...

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(469): Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it... http://tfl.nu/spt6

Replies (3) Good night (234) Bad night (31)
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(914): View more from New York

at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.

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(914): at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock. http://tfl.nu/0hid

Replies (4) Good night (183) Bad night (28) Order T-Shirt
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.

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(405): In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday. http://tfl.nu/wcjj

Replies (5) Good night (38) Bad night (144) Order T-Shirt
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.

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(615): Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success. http://tfl.nu/5s34

Replies (3) Good night (181) Bad night (21)
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(906): View more from Michigan

As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back

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(906): As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back http://tfl.nu/lf8p

Replies (1) Good night (136) Bad night (40)
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(301): View more from Maryland

ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.

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(301): ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED. http://tfl.nu/hc30

Replies (4) Good night (145) Bad night (84) Order T-Shirt

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