GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent