If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
17 Men Explain What Happened After Their Fiancées’ Parents Refused To Give Their Blessing
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
20 People Share Stories From Their Open Relationship Experiences
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
