Texts From Last Night

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(859): View more from Kentucky

he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club

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(859): he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club http://tfl.nu/kd8o

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(662): View more from Mississippi

What if our hands were octopus tentacles?

(1-662): View more from Mississippi

You're an idiot.

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(662): What if our hands were octopus tentacles? (1-662): You're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/2n3l

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.

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(902): Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control. http://tfl.nu/b8uq

Replies (4) Good night (387) Bad night (93) Order T-Shirt
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.

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(612): I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms. http://tfl.nu/079r

Replies (14) Good night (966) Bad night (106) Order T-Shirt
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(972): View more from Texas

The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.

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(972): The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now. http://tfl.nu/6t25

Replies (2) Good night (465) Bad night (165) Order T-Shirt
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(248): View more from Michigan

What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central

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(248): What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central http://tfl.nu/56qr

Replies (0) Good night (411) Bad night (99) Order T-Shirt
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(386): View more from Florida

I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.

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(386): I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone. http://tfl.nu/mucl

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(954): View more from Florida

and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner

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(954): and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner http://tfl.nu/ab93

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(719): View more from Colorado

Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?

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(719): Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again? http://tfl.nu/dyj9

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(905): View more from Ontario

sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.

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(905): sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night. http://tfl.nu/nv7h

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(940): View more from Texas

You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.

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(940): You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins. http://tfl.nu/4yq8

Replies (3) Good night (637) Bad night (73) Order T-Shirt
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(419): View more from Ohio

When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.

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(419): When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all. http://tfl.nu/xpv5

Replies (5) Good night (595) Bad night (100)
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(805): View more from California

I want "hickeys on my ass" sex

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(805): I want "hickeys on my ass" sex http://tfl.nu/gaw7

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"

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(+44): You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action" http://tfl.nu/vmud

Replies (8) Good night (587) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt
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(864): View more from South Carolina

If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.

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(864): If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/qg7h

Replies (8) Good night (1041) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt

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