I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Send us your Text From Last Night!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Shame is for Republicans.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
