we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress