Texts From Last Night

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(703): View more from Virginia

YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...

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(703): YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!! (202): Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me... http://tfl.nu/al91

Replies (7) Good night (364) Bad night (55)
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(716): View more from New York

I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.

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(716): I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine. http://tfl.nu/pta5

Replies (1) Good night (81) Bad night (158) Order T-Shirt
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(707): View more from California

According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.

(253): View more from Washington

You called the wrong number but I salute you.

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(707): According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground. (253): You called the wrong number but I salute you. http://tfl.nu/npd5

Replies (3) Good night (431) Bad night (41)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Explain the King Dong next to my face.

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(570): Explain the King Dong next to my face. http://tfl.nu/zscw

Replies (2) Good night (121) Bad night (61) Order T-Shirt
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(727): View more from Florida

I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.

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(727): I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon. http://tfl.nu/enfa

Replies (7) Good night (158) Bad night (122)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update

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(215): Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update http://tfl.nu/adag

Replies (2) Good night (187) Bad night (36) Order T-Shirt
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(513): View more from Ohio

I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that

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(513): I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that http://tfl.nu/zzq0

Replies (5) Good night (496) Bad night (37) Order T-Shirt
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert

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(203): I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert http://tfl.nu/7kxa

Replies (2) Good night (121) Bad night (87) Order T-Shirt
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.

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(859): Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy. http://tfl.nu/uf16

Replies (1) Good night (211) Bad night (51) Order T-Shirt
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(210): View more from Texas

Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....

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(210): Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers.... http://tfl.nu/sake

Replies (4) Good night (418) Bad night (283)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"

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(918): The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo" http://tfl.nu/4ubw

Replies (2) Good night (118) Bad night (44) Order T-Shirt
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(317): View more from Indiana

Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success

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(317): Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success http://tfl.nu/u4l1

Replies (1) Good night (257) Bad night (69) Order T-Shirt
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(503): View more from Oregon

Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing

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(503): Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing http://tfl.nu/v3ef

Replies (0) Good night (121) Bad night (47) Order T-Shirt
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(318): View more from Louisiana

Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.

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(318): Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/6de1

Replies (0) Good night (233) Bad night (46) Order T-Shirt
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(727): View more from Florida

I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.

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(727): I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult. http://tfl.nu/f77x

Replies (2) Good night (220) Bad night (143) Order T-Shirt

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