I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Send us your Text From Last Night!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I think i got beer on your cat.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head