Texts From Last Night

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(307): View more from Wyoming

"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.

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(307): "Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top. http://tfl.nu/hyqb

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling

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(724): Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling http://tfl.nu/ere5

Replies (0) Good night (10) Bad night (7)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.

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(781): I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt. http://tfl.nu/aqol

Replies (0) Good night (20) Bad night (26)
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(407): View more from Florida

My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it

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(407): My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it http://tfl.nu/hvy9

Replies (0) Good night (23) Bad night (25)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.

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(618): I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious. http://tfl.nu/09v5

Replies (0) Good night (32) Bad night (29)
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(561): View more from Florida

Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.

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(561): Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin. http://tfl.nu/zfxh

Replies (0) Good night (31) Bad night (31)
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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm home now if you wanna come over.

(913): View more from Kansas

Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.

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(785): I'm home now if you wanna come over. (913): Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there. http://tfl.nu/5bkq

Replies (0) Good night (41) Bad night (33)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?

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(609): Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you? http://tfl.nu/wmz0

Replies (0) Good night (37) Bad night (43)
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(928): View more from Arizona

I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.

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(928): I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples. http://tfl.nu/38j9

Replies (0) Good night (52) Bad night (41)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.

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(401): Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché. http://tfl.nu/g4lg

Replies (0) Good night (58) Bad night (45)
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(925): View more from California

I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...

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(925): I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis... http://tfl.nu/k30a

Replies (0) Good night (57) Bad night (46)
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(925): View more from California

You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.

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(925): You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months. http://tfl.nu/t8uf

Replies (4) Good night (287) Bad night (95)
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(425): View more from Washington

Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness

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(425): Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness http://tfl.nu/fsz0

Replies (0) Good night (217) Bad night (88)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off

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(973): In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off http://tfl.nu/ncu8

Replies (2) Good night (145) Bad night (238)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.

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(804): Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal. http://tfl.nu/5gs5

Replies (2) Good night (325) Bad night (108)

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