Texts From Last Night

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(217): View more from Illinois

I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card

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(217): I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card http://tfl.nu/8646

Replies (0) Good night (241) Bad night (117)
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(406): View more from Montana

Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.

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(406): Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility. http://tfl.nu/8bx1

Replies (1) Good night (230) Bad night (130)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?

(1-802): View more from Vermont

Why do you think I have a job?

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(802): Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future? (1-802): Why do you think I have a job? http://tfl.nu/fsnx

Replies (2) Good night (304) Bad night (125)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on

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(864): She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on http://tfl.nu/qa30

Replies (1) Good night (257) Bad night (173)
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(316): View more from Kansas

You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.

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(316): You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza. http://tfl.nu/b79k

Replies (4) Good night (133) Bad night (393)
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(520): View more from Arizona

That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.

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(520): That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you. http://tfl.nu/jnah

Replies (1) Good night (196) Bad night (97)
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(406): View more from Montana

So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.

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(406): So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad. http://tfl.nu/q68j

Replies (0) Good night (125) Bad night (247)
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(516): View more from New York

He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.

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(516): He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP. http://tfl.nu/qa9j

Replies (0) Good night (100) Bad night (258)
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(586): View more from Michigan

She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.

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(586): She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late. http://tfl.nu/tfi4

Replies (3) Good night (166) Bad night (252)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Stop watching porn on my work computer.

(1-314): View more from Missouri

STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.

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(314): Stop watching porn on my work computer. (1-314): STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER. http://tfl.nu/jsny

Replies (2) Good night (613) Bad night (117)
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(425): View more from Washington

Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat

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(425): Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat http://tfl.nu/7oyq

Replies (0) Good night (93) Bad night (212)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.

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(303): I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen. http://tfl.nu/ym4o

Replies (2) Good night (327) Bad night (141)
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(951): View more from California

Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."

(713): View more from Texas

Well thank god i want six autographed copies

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(951): Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles." (713): Well thank god i want six autographed copies http://tfl.nu/b8sw

Replies (3) Good night (238) Bad night (92)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.

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(308): You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture. http://tfl.nu/dxd6

Replies (1) Good night (163) Bad night (121)
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(347): View more from New York

She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.

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(347): She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty. http://tfl.nu/vxvx

Replies (0) Good night (187) Bad night (298)

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