Texts From Last Night

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(561): View more from Florida

You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.

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(561): You know I love you. I just don't love your penis. http://tfl.nu/4w11

Replies (1) Good night (9) Bad night (30) Order T-Shirt
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(586): View more from Michigan

I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.

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(586): I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman. http://tfl.nu/wow9

Replies (0) Good night (11) Bad night (6) Order T-Shirt
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(+61): View more from Australia

Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry

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(+61): Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry http://tfl.nu/2c34

Replies (1) Good night (18) Bad night (32) Order T-Shirt
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

DC is easy, you will figure it out.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.

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(617): DC is easy, you will figure it out. (508): I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this. http://tfl.nu/ltz6

Replies (0) Good night (38) Bad night (6)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Thank you for caring about my cervix.

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(616): Thank you for caring about my cervix. http://tfl.nu/akl3

Replies (0) Good night (42) Bad night (6) Order T-Shirt
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(314): View more from Missouri

You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad

(224): View more from Illinois

I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.

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(314): You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad (224): I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick. http://tfl.nu/vatm

Replies (2) Good night (16) Bad night (91)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week

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(267): I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week http://tfl.nu/wcg4

Replies (1) Good night (18) Bad night (48) Order T-Shirt
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(509): View more from Washington

Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.

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(509): Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it. http://tfl.nu/l3y2

Replies (1) Good night (60) Bad night (26)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice

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(306): so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground (306): and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice http://tfl.nu/0q9q

Replies (0) Good night (67) Bad night (23)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."

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(502): There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs." http://tfl.nu/6a8r

Replies (3) Good night (98) Bad night (23) Order T-Shirt
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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey

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(787): I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey http://tfl.nu/3kl5

Replies (2) Good night (68) Bad night (36) Order T-Shirt
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...

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(412): We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks... http://tfl.nu/xo0y

Replies (1) Good night (65) Bad night (30) Order T-Shirt
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(248): View more from Michigan

On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?

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(248): On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he? http://tfl.nu/et15

Replies (2) Good night (84) Bad night (16) Order T-Shirt
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(502): View more from Kentucky

If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.

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(502): If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it. http://tfl.nu/bxd5

Replies (0) Good night (29) Bad night (64) Order T-Shirt
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.

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(202): I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part. http://tfl.nu/p8tj

Replies (1) Good night (49) Bad night (136)

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