Texts From Last Night

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(316): View more from Kansas

You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.

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(316): You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza. http://tfl.nu/b79k

Replies (0) Good night (9) Bad night (10)
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(520): View more from Arizona

That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.

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(520): That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you. http://tfl.nu/jnah

Replies (0) Good night (21) Bad night (18)
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(406): View more from Montana

So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.

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(406): So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad. http://tfl.nu/q68j

Replies (0) Good night (21) Bad night (24)
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(516): View more from New York

He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.

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(516): He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP. http://tfl.nu/qa9j

Replies (0) Good night (14) Bad night (16)
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(586): View more from Michigan

She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.

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(586): She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late. http://tfl.nu/tfi4

Replies (0) Good night (34) Bad night (33)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Stop watching porn on my work computer.

(1-314): View more from Missouri

STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.

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(314): Stop watching porn on my work computer. (1-314): STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER. http://tfl.nu/jsny

Replies (0) Good night (43) Bad night (26)
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(425): View more from Washington

Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat

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(425): Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat http://tfl.nu/7oyq

Replies (0) Good night (36) Bad night (42)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.

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(303): I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen. http://tfl.nu/ym4o

Replies (0) Good night (40) Bad night (42)
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(951): View more from California

Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."

(713): View more from Texas

Well thank god i want six autographed copies

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(951): Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles." (713): Well thank god i want six autographed copies http://tfl.nu/b8sw

Replies (0) Good night (55) Bad night (44)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.

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(308): You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture. http://tfl.nu/dxd6

Replies (0) Good night (57) Bad night (55)
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(347): View more from New York

She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.

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(347): She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty. http://tfl.nu/vxvx

Replies (0) Good night (66) Bad night (53)
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(602): View more from Arizona

His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.

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(602): His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers. http://tfl.nu/dqr9

Replies (3) Good night (209) Bad night (119)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date

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(704): We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date http://tfl.nu/7for

Replies (1) Good night (357) Bad night (102)
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(530): View more from California

Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.

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(530): Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber. http://tfl.nu/lvwx

Replies (3) Good night (131) Bad night (226)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?

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(613): Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch? http://tfl.nu/k968

Replies (0) Good night (221) Bad night (74)

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