Texts From Last Night

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.

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(423): You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again. http://tfl.nu/8jnp

Replies (0) Good night (84) Bad night (61)
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(205): View more from Alabama

he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor

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(205): he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor http://tfl.nu/c6qy

Replies (1) Good night (87) Bad night (68)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?

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(870): I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more? http://tfl.nu/o5o8

Replies (0) Good night (90) Bad night (52)
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(904): View more from Florida

Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine

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(904): Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine http://tfl.nu/8y9j

Replies (0) Good night (64) Bad night (69)
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(951): View more from California

oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.

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(951): oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin. http://tfl.nu/odt8

Replies (1) Good night (95) Bad night (53)
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(520): View more from Arizona

Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.

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(520): Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband. http://tfl.nu/8kmu

Replies (0) Good night (60) Bad night (94)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.

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(608): He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love. http://tfl.nu/9m9h

Replies (0) Good night (117) Bad night (68)
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(417): View more from Missouri

You went to a drug deal in a onesie.

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(417): You went to a drug deal in a onesie. http://tfl.nu/7cu7

Replies (0) Good night (123) Bad night (60)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?

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(780): So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over? http://tfl.nu/dz02

Replies (0) Good night (148) Bad night (67)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.

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(630): Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat. http://tfl.nu/abrh

Replies (0) Good night (95) Bad night (71)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?

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(803): If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away? http://tfl.nu/9eig

Replies (0) Good night (144) Bad night (53)
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(256): View more from Alabama

Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.

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(256): Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards. http://tfl.nu/ejyy

Replies (0) Good night (137) Bad night (56)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine

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(615): Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine http://tfl.nu/rjex

Replies (0) Good night (66) Bad night (111)
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(518): View more from New York

The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing

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(518): The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing http://tfl.nu/1ex1

Replies (2) Good night (131) Bad night (69)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.

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(612): That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful. http://tfl.nu/5ca5

Replies (0) Good night (55) Bad night (154)

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