Texts From Last Night

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(361): View more from Texas

Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass

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(361): Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass http://tfl.nu/9x8z

Replies (0) Good night (0) Bad night (0)
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(231): View more from Michigan

it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...

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(231): it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month... http://tfl.nu/7y04

Replies (0) Good night (1) Bad night (3)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.

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(617): Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear. http://tfl.nu/f6ht

Replies (0) Good night (15) Bad night (13)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.

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(267): I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted. http://tfl.nu/atfr

Replies (2) Good night (214) Bad night (71)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.

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(843): Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity. http://tfl.nu/9xn2

Replies (1) Good night (162) Bad night (67)
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(276): View more from Virginia

Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?

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(276): Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this? http://tfl.nu/9myy

Replies (4) Good night (346) Bad night (74)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again

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(508): Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again http://tfl.nu/2hoz

Replies (2) Good night (219) Bad night (80)
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(563): View more from Iowa

I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.

(720): View more from Colorado

Good. The Jell-O shots look great.

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(563): I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared. (720): Good. The Jell-O shots look great. http://tfl.nu/jppd

Replies (0) Good night (152) Bad night (62)
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(619): View more from California

I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.

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(619): I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him. http://tfl.nu/tvqh

Replies (1) Good night (223) Bad night (67)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.

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(828): I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard. http://tfl.nu/r3ce

Replies (0) Good night (206) Bad night (67)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.

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(618): I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away. http://tfl.nu/bvec

Replies (3) Good night (246) Bad night (123)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.

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(803): I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean. http://tfl.nu/4wmr

Replies (5) Good night (169) Bad night (89)
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(+35): View more from

I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.

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(+35): I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting. http://tfl.nu/tgle

Replies (0) Good night (208) Bad night (79)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.

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(902): Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore. http://tfl.nu/mvza

Replies (2) Good night (237) Bad night (69)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb

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(919): some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb http://tfl.nu/fvez

Replies (3) Good night (175) Bad night (102)

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