I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?