Texts From Last Night

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring

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(610): I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring http://tfl.nu/xbtn

Replies (0) Good night (4) Bad night (2)
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(425): View more from Washington

He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.

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(425): He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth. http://tfl.nu/g2az

Replies (4) Good night (144) Bad night (312)
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(713): View more from Texas

You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that

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(713): You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that http://tfl.nu/hi6n

Replies (3) Good night (133) Bad night (331)
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(915): View more from Texas

Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please

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(915): Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please http://tfl.nu/0pza

Replies (0) Good night (223) Bad night (99)
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(440): View more from Ohio

my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.

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(440): my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness. http://tfl.nu/lky4

Replies (2) Good night (286) Bad night (103)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.

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(701): Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5. http://tfl.nu/g6zt

Replies (3) Good night (116) Bad night (424)
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(256): View more from Alabama

We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?

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(256): We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break? http://tfl.nu/kbd5

Replies (1) Good night (222) Bad night (111)
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(303): View more from Colorado

And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink

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(303): And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink http://tfl.nu/e5yq

Replies (0) Good night (133) Bad night (191)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay

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(402): why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay http://tfl.nu/d49s

Replies (2) Good night (104) Bad night (295)
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(903): View more from Texas

he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.

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(903): he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka. http://tfl.nu/ebtf

Replies (0) Good night (215) Bad night (106)
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(630): View more from Illinois

The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"

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(630): The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card" http://tfl.nu/vfda

Replies (2) Good night (462) Bad night (106)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.

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(918): So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus. http://tfl.nu/cj4t

Replies (2) Good night (233) Bad night (141)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.

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(970): Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession. http://tfl.nu/fr3h

Replies (3) Good night (426) Bad night (100)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick

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(580): I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick http://tfl.nu/yhj9

Replies (1) Good night (115) Bad night (337)
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(425): View more from Washington

I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now

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(425): I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now http://tfl.nu/r2zb

Replies (0) Good night (231) Bad night (107)

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