Texts From Last Night

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(310): View more from California

Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.

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(310): Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand. http://tfl.nu/cp6v

Replies (2) Good night (178) Bad night (94)
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(678): View more from Georgia

He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.

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(678): He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober. http://tfl.nu/jf9n

Replies (0) Good night (233) Bad night (78)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.

(563): View more from Iowa

How is that low? I love carrots.

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(720): I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low. (563): How is that low? I love carrots. http://tfl.nu/c1zp

Replies (0) Good night (273) Bad night (68)
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(805): View more from California

Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.

(805): View more from California

My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.

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(805): Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something. (805): My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket. http://tfl.nu/4z93

Replies (4) Good night (102) Bad night (230)
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(682): View more from Texas

You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...

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(682): You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos... http://tfl.nu/4ekg

Replies (0) Good night (229) Bad night (72)
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(707): View more from California

I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.

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(707): I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town. http://tfl.nu/lgoh

Replies (2) Good night (225) Bad night (82)
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(207): View more from Maine

I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.

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(207): I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked. http://tfl.nu/3l0v

Replies (0) Good night (237) Bad night (87)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns

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(703): Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns http://tfl.nu/cgxv

Replies (12) Good night (185) Bad night (109)
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(512): View more from Texas

And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...

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(512): And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background... http://tfl.nu/mx93

Replies (2) Good night (257) Bad night (66)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.

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(604): We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life. http://tfl.nu/xwcn

Replies (0) Good night (261) Bad night (72)
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(585): View more from New York

He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.

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(585): He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to. http://tfl.nu/t8ue

Replies (2) Good night (294) Bad night (75)
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(917): View more from New York City

My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche

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(917): My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche http://tfl.nu/stu6

Replies (1) Good night (218) Bad night (107)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly

(413): View more from Massachusetts

seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter

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(774): who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly (413): seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter http://tfl.nu/tftx

Replies (0) Good night (142) Bad night (99)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?

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(484): Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours? http://tfl.nu/xndj

Replies (1) Good night (100) Bad night (204)
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(516): View more from New York

Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?

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(516): Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles? http://tfl.nu/3kx7

Replies (2) Good night (105) Bad night (235)

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