Texts From Last Night

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(972): View more from Texas

I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.

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(972): I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs. http://tfl.nu/tu0n

Replies (0) Good night (0) Bad night (0)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy

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(613): I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy http://tfl.nu/09ti

Replies (0) Good night (1) Bad night (2)
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(256): View more from Alabama

If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends

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(256): If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends http://tfl.nu/kp0i

Replies (0) Good night (7) Bad night (4)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.

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(519): Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy. http://tfl.nu/3ipa

Replies (0) Good night (13) Bad night (13)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive

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(804): Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive http://tfl.nu/cxfz

Replies (0) Good night (25) Bad night (16)
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(817): View more from Texas

So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?

(806): View more from Texas

Yes.

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(817): So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits? (806): Yes. http://tfl.nu/kxzx

Replies (1) Good night (150) Bad night (128)
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(310): View more from California

The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.

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(310): The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place. http://tfl.nu/tgy0

Replies (1) Good night (198) Bad night (72)
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(904): View more from Florida

My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.

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(904): My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through. http://tfl.nu/7flj

Replies (2) Good night (168) Bad night (85)
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(949): View more from California

You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.

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(949): You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget. http://tfl.nu/i79w

Replies (0) Good night (81) Bad night (148)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!

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(+44): When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!! http://tfl.nu/wuxe

Replies (3) Good night (230) Bad night (112)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.

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(402): You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills. http://tfl.nu/g7ig

Replies (4) Good night (245) Bad night (70)
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(708): View more from Illinois

Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life

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(708): Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life http://tfl.nu/103q

Replies (1) Good night (184) Bad night (86)
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(519): View more from Ontario

He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.

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(519): He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever. http://tfl.nu/34jp

Replies (3) Good night (83) Bad night (309)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.

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(908): He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania. http://tfl.nu/rn92

Replies (1) Good night (176) Bad night (88)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.

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(608): You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year. http://tfl.nu/ch42

Replies (1) Good night (218) Bad night (67)

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