It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
