He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
