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It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
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