That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?