snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Send us your Text From Last Night!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.