I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
