Texts From Last Night

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(917): View more from New York City

I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat

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(917): I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat http://tfl.nu/s2vr

Replies (0) Good night (3) Bad night (3)
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(636): View more from Missouri

She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!

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(636): She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude! http://tfl.nu/l1oq

Replies (1) Good night (34) Bad night (31)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.

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(405): So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door. http://tfl.nu/69g0

Replies (0) Good night (39) Bad night (36)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.

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(+44): Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later. http://tfl.nu/23tp

Replies (0) Good night (37) Bad night (35)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it

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(203): I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it http://tfl.nu/jm8h

Replies (0) Good night (47) Bad night (39)
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(731): View more from Tennessee

It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.

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(731): It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked. http://tfl.nu/thm4

Replies (1) Good night (55) Bad night (39)
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(+61): View more from Australia

You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".

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(+61): You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering". http://tfl.nu/uajx

Replies (0) Good night (48) Bad night (36)
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(309): View more from Illinois

I need vitamin water and Jesus :/

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(309): I need vitamin water and Jesus :/ http://tfl.nu/afzj

Replies (1) Good night (52) Bad night (41)
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(970): View more from Colorado

idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.

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(970): idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me. http://tfl.nu/gdf6

Replies (0) Good night (40) Bad night (48)
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(773): View more from Illinois

We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.

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(773): We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life. http://tfl.nu/hprn

Replies (1) Good night (253) Bad night (76)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina

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(808): You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina http://tfl.nu/l91f

Replies (1) Good night (198) Bad night (68)
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(407): View more from Florida

There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.

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(407): There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high. http://tfl.nu/pv1a

Replies (1) Good night (223) Bad night (118)
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(210): View more from Texas

Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park

(210): View more from Texas

Surprise ending

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(210): Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park (210): Surprise ending http://tfl.nu/6dpe

Replies (2) Good night (236) Bad night (75)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.

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(412): I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life. http://tfl.nu/i42f

Replies (0) Good night (97) Bad night (179)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.

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(702): I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now. http://tfl.nu/cei7

Replies (1) Good night (143) Bad night (101)

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