They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress