Texts From Last Night

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(775): View more from Nevada

He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home

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(775): He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home http://tfl.nu/6g10

Replies (0) Good night (2) Bad night (1)
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(858): View more from California

she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"

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(858): she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec" http://tfl.nu/979e

Replies (0) Good night (10) Bad night (5)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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(+44): I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/2qpw

Replies (0) Good night (12) Bad night (9)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...

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(603): I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly... http://tfl.nu/93wn

Replies (0) Good night (21) Bad night (16)
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(208): View more from Idaho

When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.

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(208): When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all. http://tfl.nu/wlj1

Replies (0) Good night (26) Bad night (21)
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(716): View more from New York

As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"

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(716): As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on" http://tfl.nu/an67

Replies (0) Good night (24) Bad night (23)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.

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(774): I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel. http://tfl.nu/y9e0

Replies (0) Good night (27) Bad night (26)
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(303): View more from Colorado

That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.

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(303): That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown. http://tfl.nu/5k1c

Replies (0) Good night (36) Bad night (26)
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(949): View more from California

Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley

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(949): Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley http://tfl.nu/vphj

Replies (0) Good night (34) Bad night (27)
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(714): View more from California

I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.

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(714): I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/e3fy

Replies (0) Good night (42) Bad night (28)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever

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(416): Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever http://tfl.nu/xryc

Replies (1) Good night (33) Bad night (25)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas

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(608): either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas http://tfl.nu/63t6

Replies (0) Good night (45) Bad night (39)
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(573): View more from Missouri

The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.

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(573): The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is. http://tfl.nu/harz

Replies (0) Good night (28) Bad night (29)
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(207): View more from Maine

So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?

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(207): So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants? http://tfl.nu/9yby

Replies (0) Good night (30) Bad night (54)
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(212): View more from New York

Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?

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(212): Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking? http://tfl.nu/s8rr

Replies (7) Good night (520) Bad night (155)

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