Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
