If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
we're so committed to being not committed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN