Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Follow @tfln