Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried