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I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I just put wine in my tea
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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