In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.