If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset