Texts From Last Night

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(314): View more from Missouri

Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm

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(314): Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm http://tfl.nu/kthz

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(727): View more from Florida

We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.

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(727): We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity. http://tfl.nu/gy6t

Replies (0) Good night (12) Bad night (2) Order T-Shirt
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(250): View more from British Columbia

I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro

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(250): I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro http://tfl.nu/if95

Replies (0) Good night (20) Bad night (9) Order T-Shirt
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(440): View more from Ohio

You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.

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(440): You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand. http://tfl.nu/z0q1

Replies (0) Good night (9) Bad night (13) Order T-Shirt
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(509): View more from Washington

My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...

(206): View more from Washington

They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then

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(509): My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life... (206): They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then http://tfl.nu/4rxf

Replies (1) Good night (24) Bad night (6)
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(317): View more from Indiana

it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.

(1-317): View more from Indiana

On my way

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(317): it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone. (1-317): On my way http://tfl.nu/kjt4

Replies (0) Good night (55) Bad night (14) Order T-Shirt
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(706): View more from Georgia

Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...

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(706): Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles... http://tfl.nu/pb5u

Replies (2) Good night (17) Bad night (52)
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(914): View more from New York

He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.

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(914): He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast. http://tfl.nu/061g

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(+61): View more from Australia

I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.

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(+61): I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit. http://tfl.nu/qiro

Replies (0) Good night (83) Bad night (7)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.

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(312): I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct. http://tfl.nu/4xpm

Replies (0) Good night (59) Bad night (11) Order T-Shirt
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(+61): View more from Australia

I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.

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(+61): I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality. http://tfl.nu/cwc2

Replies (0) Good night (39) Bad night (26) Order T-Shirt
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(703): View more from Virginia

YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...

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(703): YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!! (202): Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me... http://tfl.nu/al91

Replies (9) Good night (479) Bad night (64)
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(716): View more from New York

I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.

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(716): I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine. http://tfl.nu/pta5

Replies (1) Good night (91) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt
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(707): View more from California

According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.

(253): View more from Washington

You called the wrong number but I salute you.

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(707): According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground. (253): You called the wrong number but I salute you. http://tfl.nu/npd5

Replies (3) Good night (516) Bad night (50)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Explain the King Dong next to my face.

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(570): Explain the King Dong next to my face. http://tfl.nu/zscw

Replies (2) Good night (147) Bad night (71) Order T-Shirt

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