And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We should get drunk in walmart
20 minutes ago
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly