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Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I just put wine in my tea
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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