Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.