Texts From Last Night

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(703): View more from Virginia

Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.

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(703): Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/ke8h

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(681): View more from West Virginia

I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion

(743): View more from

It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you

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(681): I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion (743): It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you http://tfl.nu/rspk

Replies (0) Good night (17) Bad night (5)
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(315): View more from New York

So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"

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(315): So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair" http://tfl.nu/gzbj

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I want to go out and have good clean fun.

(931): View more from Tennessee

Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.

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(931): I want to go out and have good clean fun. (931): Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina. http://tfl.nu/qwbd

Replies (0) Good night (19) Bad night (11)
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(936): View more from Texas

We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.

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(936): We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by. http://tfl.nu/7uma

Replies (0) Good night (33) Bad night (12)
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(646): View more from New York

We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.

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(646): We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman. http://tfl.nu/a2vv

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(+92): View more from

Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?

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(+92): Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from? http://tfl.nu/pk33

Replies (1) Good night (32) Bad night (21) Order T-Shirt
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(702): View more from Nevada

We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.

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(702): We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly. http://tfl.nu/ykqa

Replies (0) Good night (44) Bad night (16) Order T-Shirt
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(515): View more from Iowa

I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"

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(515): I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone" http://tfl.nu/9mhp

Replies (2) Good night (84) Bad night (32)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women

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(808): there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women http://tfl.nu/4eji

Replies (1) Good night (64) Bad night (19) Order T-Shirt
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(817): View more from Texas

Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?

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(817): Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one? http://tfl.nu/bc4f

Replies (1) Good night (59) Bad night (29) Order T-Shirt
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(562): View more from California

I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!

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(562): I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!! http://tfl.nu/mwf9

Replies (3) Good night (79) Bad night (38) Order T-Shirt
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(602): View more from Arizona

I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth

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(602): I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth http://tfl.nu/mes3

Replies (2) Good night (15) Bad night (57) Order T-Shirt
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(619): View more from California

She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.

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(619): She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it. http://tfl.nu/d8em

Replies (0) Good night (109) Bad night (26) Order T-Shirt
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(330): View more from Ohio

Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.

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(330): Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors. http://tfl.nu/c683

Replies (0) Good night (74) Bad night (29) Order T-Shirt

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