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    (+44): View more from United Kingdom

    Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.

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    Replies (0) Good night (6) Bad night (2) Order T-Shirt
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    (518): View more from New York

    I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean

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    Replies (0) Good night (15) Bad night (7) Order T-Shirt
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    (479): View more from Arkansas

    I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting

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    Replies (0) Good night (22) Bad night (7) Order T-Shirt
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    (240): View more from Maryland

    God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.

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    Replies (1) Good night (9) Bad night (19) Order T-Shirt
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    (301): View more from Maryland

    I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan

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    Replies (1) Good night (24) Bad night (8) Order T-Shirt
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    (561): View more from Florida

    You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.

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    Replies (6) Good night (90) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
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    (586): View more from Michigan

    I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.

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    Replies (2) Good night (154) Bad night (74) Order T-Shirt
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    (+61): View more from Australia

    Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry

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    Replies (5) Good night (96) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
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    (617): View more from Massachusetts

    DC is easy, you will figure it out.

    (508): View more from Massachusetts

    I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.

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    Replies (2) Good night (244) Bad night (52)
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    (616): View more from Michigan

    Thank you for caring about my cervix.

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    Replies (1) Good night (218) Bad night (42) Order T-Shirt
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    (314): View more from Missouri

    You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad

    (224): View more from Illinois

    I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.

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    Replies (2) Good night (53) Bad night (411)
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    (267): View more from Pennsylvania

    I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week

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    Replies (1) Good night (63) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
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    (509): View more from Washington

    Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.

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    Replies (2) Good night (256) Bad night (101)
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    (306): View more from Saskatchewan

    so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground

    (306): View more from Saskatchewan

    and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice

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    Replies (1) Good night (246) Bad night (58)
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    (502): View more from Kentucky

    There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."

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    Replies (7) Good night (387) Bad night (90) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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