I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
