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    (816): View more from Missouri

    It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.

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    Replies (11) Good night (244) Bad night (95)
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    (806): View more from Texas

    Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.

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    Replies (5) Good night (280) Bad night (35) Order T-Shirt
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    (253): View more from Washington

    I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year

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    Replies (2) Good night (96) Bad night (73) Order T-Shirt
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    (914): View more from New York

    So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED

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    Replies (5) Good night (82) Bad night (118) Order T-Shirt
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    (614): View more from Ohio

    I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.

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    Replies (4) Good night (219) Bad night (101) Order T-Shirt
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    (253): View more from Washington

    Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"

    (425): View more from Washington

    You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk

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    Replies (1) Good night (216) Bad night (38)
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    (325): View more from Texas

    She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.

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    Replies (6) Good night (230) Bad night (106) Order T-Shirt
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    (310): View more from California

    I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.

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    Replies (3) Good night (197) Bad night (50) Order T-Shirt
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    (479): View more from Arkansas

    Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka

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    Replies (0) Good night (163) Bad night (43) Order T-Shirt
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    (610): View more from Pennsylvania

    You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."

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    Replies (0) Good night (215) Bad night (39) Order T-Shirt
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    (970): View more from Colorado

    Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes

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    Replies (5) Good night (494) Bad night (62) Order T-Shirt
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    (262): View more from Wisconsin

    Happy you have kids and I don't day!

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    Replies (3) Good night (280) Bad night (31) Order T-Shirt
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    (202): View more from Washington, DC

    Whore are you.

    (301): View more from Maryland

    Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?

    (202): View more from Washington, DC

    Yes.

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    Replies (1) Good night (452) Bad night (33)
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    (814): View more from Pennsylvania

    I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.

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    Replies (1) Good night (72) Bad night (104) Order T-Shirt
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    (315): View more from New York

    He tried to tip me with his police badge...

    (1-315): View more from New York

    and you didn't accept WHY?!

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    Replies (1) Good night (236) Bad night (100) Order T-Shirt
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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