Texts From Last Night

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(315): View more from New York

I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex

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(315): I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex http://tfl.nu/6so3

Replies (0) Good night (0) Bad night (0)
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(317): View more from Indiana

This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves

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(317): This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves http://tfl.nu/8rmw

Replies (0) Good night (1) Bad night (2)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you

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(412): My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you http://tfl.nu/je45

Replies (0) Good night (5) Bad night (4)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows

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(785): Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows http://tfl.nu/dob8

Replies (0) Good night (4) Bad night (5)
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(530): View more from California

It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts

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(530): It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts http://tfl.nu/uifp

Replies (0) Good night (5) Bad night (3)
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(512): View more from Texas

I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.

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(512): I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair. http://tfl.nu/t9oz

Replies (0) Good night (6) Bad night (4)
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(480): View more from Arizona

And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(

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(480): And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :( http://tfl.nu/2iiq

Replies (0) Good night (4) Bad night (6)
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(248): View more from Michigan

my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits

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(248): my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits http://tfl.nu/2i7i

Replies (0) Good night (8) Bad night (5)
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(740): View more from Ohio

I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.

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(740): I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead. http://tfl.nu/fegw

Replies (0) Good night (13) Bad night (6)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.

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(973): So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job. http://tfl.nu/xeqy

Replies (0) Good night (9) Bad night (7)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.

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(215): I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules. http://tfl.nu/3xc5

Replies (0) Good night (12) Bad night (8)
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(224): View more from Illinois

What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!

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(224): What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?! http://tfl.nu/xsf9

Replies (0) Good night (10) Bad night (5)
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(415): View more from California

The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.

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(415): The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese. http://tfl.nu/s07p

Replies (0) Good night (14) Bad night (6)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb

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(513): I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb http://tfl.nu/o9bf

Replies (3) Good night (143) Bad night (63)
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(303): View more from Colorado

you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine

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(303): you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine http://tfl.nu/mjql

Replies (1) Good night (224) Bad night (31)

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