Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
no that's ok
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"