NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife