Texts From Last Night

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(205): View more from Alabama

I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...

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(205): I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge... http://tfl.nu/he3w

Replies (0) Good night (151) Bad night (80)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.

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(+44): Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray. http://tfl.nu/2kem

Replies (3) Good night (141) Bad night (95)
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(303): View more from Colorado

When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs

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(303): When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs http://tfl.nu/j5ii

Replies (3) Good night (166) Bad night (97)
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(909): View more from California

You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.

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(909): You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on. http://tfl.nu/y2xe

Replies (0) Good night (127) Bad night (73)
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(404): View more from Georgia

It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.

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(404): It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top. http://tfl.nu/vhr3

Replies (1) Good night (324) Bad night (83)
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(234): View more from Ohio

I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window

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(234): I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window http://tfl.nu/sgun

Replies (2) Good night (206) Bad night (85)
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(905): View more from Ontario

4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours

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(905): 4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours http://tfl.nu/zrgf

Replies (4) Good night (113) Bad night (181)
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(209): View more from California

and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow

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(209): and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow http://tfl.nu/xor8

Replies (0) Good night (149) Bad night (73)
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(216): View more from Ohio

Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.

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(216): Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home. http://tfl.nu/lgr9

Replies (1) Good night (129) Bad night (85)
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(254): View more from Texas

We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)

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(254): We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :) http://tfl.nu/s9j9

Replies (6) Good night (259) Bad night (114)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.

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(320): I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset. http://tfl.nu/g6h4

Replies (0) Good night (253) Bad night (100)
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(940): View more from Texas

On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket

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(940): On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket http://tfl.nu/seng

Replies (0) Good night (188) Bad night (65)
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(+61): View more from Australia

So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.

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(+61): So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day. http://tfl.nu/3t4f

Replies (1) Good night (224) Bad night (57)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

best eviction party ever.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.

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(908): best eviction party ever. (610): it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party. http://tfl.nu/o2dt

Replies (2) Good night (280) Bad night (103)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?

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(610): How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach? http://tfl.nu/gw61

Replies (4) Good night (98) Bad night (242)

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