wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
