Texts From Last Night

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(402): View more from Nebraska

why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay

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(402): why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay http://tfl.nu/d49s

Replies (0) Good night (2) Bad night (2)
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(903): View more from Texas

he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.

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(903): he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka. http://tfl.nu/ebtf

Replies (0) Good night (12) Bad night (12)
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(630): View more from Illinois

The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"

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(630): The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card" http://tfl.nu/vfda

Replies (0) Good night (19) Bad night (13)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.

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(918): So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus. http://tfl.nu/cj4t

Replies (0) Good night (26) Bad night (28)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.

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(970): Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession. http://tfl.nu/fr3h

Replies (0) Good night (29) Bad night (21)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick

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(580): I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick http://tfl.nu/yhj9

Replies (0) Good night (17) Bad night (21)
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(425): View more from Washington

I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now

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(425): I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now http://tfl.nu/r2zb

Replies (0) Good night (29) Bad night (16)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.

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(419): Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women. http://tfl.nu/y0qe

Replies (0) Good night (37) Bad night (38)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off

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(401): i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off http://tfl.nu/b0hl

Replies (2) Good night (218) Bad night (146)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.

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(920): I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad. http://tfl.nu/b7v4

Replies (2) Good night (203) Bad night (160)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....

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(416): Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat.... http://tfl.nu/xy0p

Replies (2) Good night (130) Bad night (236)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex

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(+44): Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex http://tfl.nu/fkis

Replies (1) Good night (268) Bad night (115)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.

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(804): Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win. http://tfl.nu/vse3

Replies (1) Good night (294) Bad night (89)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0

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(252): Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0 http://tfl.nu/k7y9

Replies (0) Good night (202) Bad night (103)
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(716): View more from New York

tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"

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(716): tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered" http://tfl.nu/w7hl

Replies (0) Good night (232) Bad night (111)

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