All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night