Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??