Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
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All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"