Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.