Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"