And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC