I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A bitchslap is in order.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV