Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dating After Heartbreak
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.