If u could sum last night up in one word?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.