I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
A bitchslap is in order.