Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.