Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....