You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.