Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The Olympian is in my bed