First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?