i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...