Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (618)

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  (618): View more from Illinois

  He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.

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  (618): He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you." (224): Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out. http://tfl.nu/vy5b
  Replies (7) Good night (1269) Bad night (455)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.

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  (618): I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy. http://tfl.nu/it0x
  Replies (6) Good night (1980) Bad night (313)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.

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  (618): Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum. http://tfl.nu/gdla
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.

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  (618): Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex. http://tfl.nu/rcfz
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it

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  (618): And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it http://tfl.nu/zwsy
  Replies (4) Good night (1113) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.

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  (618): You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling. http://tfl.nu/9fnu
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.

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  (618): I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door. http://tfl.nu/79gl
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.

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  (618): I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up. http://tfl.nu/sv5z
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.

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  (618): An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name. http://tfl.nu/g5lt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket

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  (618): We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket http://tfl.nu/a9al
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.

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  (618): Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you. (270): No, that's okay. Don't worry about it. (618): Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/gcov
  Replies (43) Good night (3113) Bad night (907)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.

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  (618): I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it? (1-618): We wouldn't be friends if you didn't. http://tfl.nu/4027
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.

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  (618): His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings. http://tfl.nu/61i4
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.

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  (618): I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas. http://tfl.nu/yx8c
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?

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  (618): This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it? http://tfl.nu/yhoj
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