i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
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how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
organizing the empties. That sober.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
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