Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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