*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am naked and annoyed.