Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.