Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (484)

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  Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.

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  (484): Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that. http://tfl.nu/p43x
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  After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.

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  (484): After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me. http://tfl.nu/p7tl
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  he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.

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  (484): he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended. http://tfl.nu/6aj3
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  We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.

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  (484): We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/e0nu
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  if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.

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  (484): if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate. http://tfl.nu/ujin
  Replies (7) Good night (1997) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
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  how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time

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  you found the shrooms didnt you

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  (484): how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time (215): you found the shrooms didnt you http://tfl.nu/rmts
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  i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.

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  (484): i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen. http://tfl.nu/hdza
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  judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.

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  (484): judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog. http://tfl.nu/kq70
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  Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"

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  (484): Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret" http://tfl.nu/9brs
  Replies (19) Good night (4364) Bad night (358)
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  it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.

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  (484): it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way. http://tfl.nu/08h1
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  announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.

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  (484): announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention. http://tfl.nu/v327
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  somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it

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  (484): somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it http://tfl.nu/giry
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  how bad is she

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  captain morgan with tits

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  (484): how bad is she (215): captain morgan with tits http://tfl.nu/5qnj
  Replies (7) Good night (637) Bad night (1571)
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  omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.

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  (484): omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers. http://tfl.nu/h63v
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  you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite

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  (484): you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite http://tfl.nu/cjvu
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