Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am naked and annoyed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.