whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Go fuck yourself
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.