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Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
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