Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Couch. On fire.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw