i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."