Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.