I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.