Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (815)

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  You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you

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  (815): You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you http://tfl.nu/fukp
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  Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.

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  (815): Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night. http://tfl.nu/jyfi
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  E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.

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  (815): E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou. http://tfl.nu/m8k9
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  You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.

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  Best Friends For Life.

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  (815): You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub. (1-815): Best Friends For Life. http://tfl.nu/ev62
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  Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people

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  (815): Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people http://tfl.nu/73fe
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  My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.

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  (815): My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time. http://tfl.nu/dmh2
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  I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.

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  (815): I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes. http://tfl.nu/pp2q
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  I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago

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  (815): I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago http://tfl.nu/274p
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  Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it

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  (815): Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it http://tfl.nu/8nv8
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  I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.

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  (815): I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost. http://tfl.nu/ucyv
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  Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?

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  (815): Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster? http://tfl.nu/pms2
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  I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.

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  (815): I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed. http://tfl.nu/jn5l
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  I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.

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  (815): I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn. http://tfl.nu/iw95
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  omg. MEgabus. stoned.

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  Theres these two guys talking.

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  (815): omg. MEgabus. stoned. (815): Theres these two guys talking. http://tfl.nu/fp55
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  Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.

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  (815): Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience. http://tfl.nu/8crb
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