Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot