Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh god it's open bar.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
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Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving