Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.