Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off