Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Go fuck yourself
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?