He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
A+ Viking dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me