You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes