She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!