Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.