I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
A+ Viking dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud