Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Idaho (208)

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  The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.

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  (208): The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med. http://tfl.nu/j1ow
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  dont eat that thats our sex nutella.

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  (208): dont eat that thats our sex nutella. http://tfl.nu/y04n
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  There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.

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  (208): There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science. http://tfl.nu/775a
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  I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.

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  (208): I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles. http://tfl.nu/64t5
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  God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight

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  (208): God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight http://tfl.nu/fm83
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  Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.

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  (208): Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice. http://tfl.nu/e14u
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  Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.

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  (208): Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up. http://tfl.nu/qoxa
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  I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.

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  (208): I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/ctp9
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  Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...

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  (208): Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return... http://tfl.nu/xy3e
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  I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?

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  (208): I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know? http://tfl.nu/ulgs
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  Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.

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  (208): Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order. http://tfl.nu/2umc
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  I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"

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  (208): I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth" http://tfl.nu/32vn
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  When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.

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  (208): When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls. http://tfl.nu/qm6d
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  That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.

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  Especially drunk mermaids.

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  (208): That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck. (208): Especially drunk mermaids. http://tfl.nu/soai
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  Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet

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  (208): Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet http://tfl.nu/73eb
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