My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties