Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Minnesota (651)

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.

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  (651): god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again. (508): I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended. http://tfl.nu/x893
  Replies (1) Good night (170) Bad night (76)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind

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  (651): I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind http://tfl.nu/rbfo
  Replies (2) Good night (207) Bad night (127) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well I just put wine in my tea

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  (651): Well I just put wine in my tea http://tfl.nu/sol7
  Replies (5) Good night (451) Bad night (167) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico

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  (651): Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico http://tfl.nu/a33d
  Replies (0) Good night (266) Bad night (137) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.

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  (651): Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called. http://tfl.nu/hamr
  Replies (1) Good night (796) Bad night (159) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them

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  (651): It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them http://tfl.nu/2gqy
  Replies (2) Good night (389) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  ...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"

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  (651): ...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering" http://tfl.nu/5vg0
  Replies (0) Good night (243) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.

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  (651): We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it. http://tfl.nu/ubme
  Replies (5) Good night (1178) Bad night (158) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  ITS ORAL SEX CAROL

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  (651): My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means (651): ITS ORAL SEX CAROL http://tfl.nu/ccj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1110) Bad night (197)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"

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  (651): Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?" http://tfl.nu/vsfp
  Replies (4) Good night (657) Bad night (193) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It happened again.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What?

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.

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  (651): It happened again. (612): What? (651): I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now. http://tfl.nu/fx7i
  Replies (8) Good night (1571) Bad night (325)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days

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  (651): You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days http://tfl.nu/dsf3
  Replies (4) Good night (485) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.

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  (651): Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz. http://tfl.nu/u6wd
  Replies (6) Good night (1159) Bad night (191)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.

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  (651): I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do. http://tfl.nu/obfe
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You are a terrible person.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just try to be optimistic...

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  (763): I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless. (651): You are a terrible person. (763): I just try to be optimistic... http://tfl.nu/01d9
  Replies (5) Good night (1051) Bad night (248)