I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...