All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I would ride that face into the sunset
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.