I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god