their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!