Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Connecticut (860)

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  Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.

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  (860): Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on. http://tfl.nu/xowf
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  The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.

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  (860): The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/fj2u
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  I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me

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  (860): I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me http://tfl.nu/egc4
  Replies (4) Good night (322) Bad night (55)
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  Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home

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  (860): Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home http://tfl.nu/znwv
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  You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.

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  I am not dying my bush blue.

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  (203): You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though. (860): I am not dying my bush blue. http://tfl.nu/alon
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  Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.

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  (860): Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better. http://tfl.nu/zwl1
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  I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump

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  (860): I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump http://tfl.nu/62ek
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  he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.

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  (860): he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE. http://tfl.nu/wid5
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  You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face

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  (860): You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face http://tfl.nu/wwpz
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  I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together

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  (860): I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together http://tfl.nu/ghj0
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  Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.

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  (860): Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night. http://tfl.nu/jb56
  Replies (2) Good night (614) Bad night (128)
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  NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW

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  (860): NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW http://tfl.nu/dzo6
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  Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.

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  (860): Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage. http://tfl.nu/sckj
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  I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.

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  Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.

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  (860): I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green. (860): Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green. http://tfl.nu/a7td
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  don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower

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  (860): don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower http://tfl.nu/obf2
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