he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream