I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.