Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?