I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.