I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.