So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
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