She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.