Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This should be illegal
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.