the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I had to cum in my sink.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents