Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we're so committed to being not committed
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!