Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey