I had to cum in my sink.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.