I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night