She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it