Idk if I want to put a bra on
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.