I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move