She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic