I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.