My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.