Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Iowa (563)

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  Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car

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  (563): Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car http://tfl.nu/64c7
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  I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating

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  (563): I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating http://tfl.nu/zdvr
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  I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.

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  (563): I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused. http://tfl.nu/bg7n
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  You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.

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  (563): You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say. http://tfl.nu/uumg
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  smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.

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  (563): smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never. http://tfl.nu/qbl5
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  I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.

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  (563): I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud. http://tfl.nu/0vsx
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  Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.

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  (563): Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up. http://tfl.nu/xba5
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  Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.

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  (563): Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break. http://tfl.nu/2dfj
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  I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast

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  (563): I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast http://tfl.nu/ae47
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  I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?

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  (563): I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you? http://tfl.nu/ipj5
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  He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.

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  (563): He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name. http://tfl.nu/wgo9
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  Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?

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  (563): Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him? http://tfl.nu/taqh
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  I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.

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  (563): I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took. http://tfl.nu/2cez
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  The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.

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  (563): The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka. http://tfl.nu/9mlx
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  The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.

  (1-563): View more from Iowa

  I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.

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  (563): The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers. (1-563): I desperately wanted to wear your shirt. http://tfl.nu/ni9x
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