Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.