I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Send us your Text From Last Night!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
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