He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs