I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why are you drunk at the library?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...