Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (630)

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.

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  (630): like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant. http://tfl.nu/ihww
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  I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.

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  (630): I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track. http://tfl.nu/9q0f
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  Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.

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  (630): Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger. http://tfl.nu/07lb
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  I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable

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  (630): I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable http://tfl.nu/z2xr
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  Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?

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  (630): Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo? http://tfl.nu/ndaq
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  She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.

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  I'm in love.

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  (630): She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot. (630): I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/l0w2
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  And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.

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  (630): And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then. http://tfl.nu/h2gd
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  How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?

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  (630): How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday? http://tfl.nu/cltz
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  So what's going on?

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  We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.

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  (630): So what's going on? (1-630): We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid. http://tfl.nu/vkkl
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  Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.

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  (630): Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack. http://tfl.nu/0qa9
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  this st patricks day sucks

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  ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles

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  (630): this st patricks day sucks (815): ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles http://tfl.nu/aosd
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  Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk

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  (630): Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk http://tfl.nu/5as6
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  Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!

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  (630): Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law! http://tfl.nu/y27z
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  This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?

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  (630): This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite? http://tfl.nu/a887
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  It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.

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  (630): It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again. http://tfl.nu/c0k2
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