My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days