You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
I'm actually proud
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.