If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens