Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it