THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"