The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar