I'm having to shit out rocks
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.