I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way