Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (501)

Last Night in Arkansas (501)

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Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.

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Just skip

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Please. i have SOME standards

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(479): Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day. (501): Just skip (479): Please. i have SOME standards http://tfl.nu/0muv

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I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"

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I'll start the recruiting

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(870): I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!" (501): I'll start the recruiting http://tfl.nu/vx2o

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I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�

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(501): I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.� http://tfl.nu/bx8n

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When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.

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(501): When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis. http://tfl.nu/n1sn

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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.

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(501): There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success. http://tfl.nu/8q5q

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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring

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(501): So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring http://tfl.nu/8ezz

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Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.

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(501): Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again. http://tfl.nu/b8kl

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I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.

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(501): I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit. http://tfl.nu/ez6v

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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.

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(501): I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something. http://tfl.nu/os86

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Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.

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(501): Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick. http://tfl.nu/s37k

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Jasmine is diving into bushes again.

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(501): Jasmine is diving into bushes again. http://tfl.nu/j6ks

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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it

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Then he went and peed on those teenagers.

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(501): I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it (501): Then he went and peed on those teenagers. http://tfl.nu/3fwd

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Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night

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(501): Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night http://tfl.nu/fi5n

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After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...

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(501): After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well... http://tfl.nu/7bm0

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My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.

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(501): My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone. http://tfl.nu/7x1i

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Last Night in Arkansas (501)

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