you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.