I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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