Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
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