Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Where are you guys?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything