If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.