We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.