He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH