We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.