i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.