You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Where are you guys?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly