Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Carolina (336)

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"

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  (336): Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem" http://tfl.nu/nmt9
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  Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.

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  (336): Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups. http://tfl.nu/v7i7
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  I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.

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  (336): I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can. http://tfl.nu/mx39
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  Why am I wearing a dog collar

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  Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.

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  (336): Why am I wearing a dog collar (1-336): Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic. http://tfl.nu/ep7j
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  That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap

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  (336): That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap http://tfl.nu/hjra
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  Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it

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  (336): Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it http://tfl.nu/7tpk
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  Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.

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  (336): Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them. http://tfl.nu/8xwy
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  Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?

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  (336): Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up? http://tfl.nu/j9qb
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  At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick

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  (336): At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick http://tfl.nu/8ojw
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  No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.

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  (336): No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine. http://tfl.nu/r6ac
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  Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question

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  (336): Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question http://tfl.nu/9vj8
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  You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.

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  (336): You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that. http://tfl.nu/r9t5
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  i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me

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  (336): i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me http://tfl.nu/j08w
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  Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?

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  (336): Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex? http://tfl.nu/6zbe
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  Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?

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  (336): Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank? http://tfl.nu/yo0k
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