The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i am craving dick and cupcakes