Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.