my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
what food is Colorado known for?