ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.