Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.