I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.