Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0