i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
21 Most Ridiculous Responses to a Gay Man Coming Out
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus