Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy