I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.