Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.