I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.