Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (607)

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  I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.

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  (607): I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability. http://tfl.nu/69z6
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  Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend

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  (607): Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend http://tfl.nu/0ja4
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  The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"

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  (607): The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??" http://tfl.nu/clw8
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  Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.

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  (607): Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like. http://tfl.nu/4oye
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  Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!

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  (607): Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?! http://tfl.nu/6znz
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  eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.

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  (607): eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest. http://tfl.nu/otqw
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  I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.

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  (607): I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know. http://tfl.nu/l46m
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  U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl

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  (607): U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl http://tfl.nu/xeyc
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  I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.

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  (607): I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year. http://tfl.nu/ajj5
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  Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah

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  (607): Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah http://tfl.nu/9m89
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  I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.

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  (607): I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend. http://tfl.nu/q6a0
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  you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."

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  (607): you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland." http://tfl.nu/m13s
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  There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.

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  (607): There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor. http://tfl.nu/j4bf
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  I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...

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  (607): I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street... http://tfl.nu/0y14
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  Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester

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  (607): Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester http://tfl.nu/4zys
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