Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?